Girl interrupted

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 12:46

6

She laughs a ton and cries a pool,
Either one after a few jugs of beer,
A true dude among the regular dudettes,
The girl next door living with her own fears!

She braves the world, this bloody teeming place,
Successfully keeping her wishes and dreams still alive,
An art I truly wish to miraculously master someday,
Provided this world would first let me at least survive!

She dreams of love and a few other things I can't divulge,
Among them a wish of eloping, probably somewhere quiet,
'Cause she hates the traffic and the crossing of streets,
And the modern transport (bikes) do give her a fright!

She smiles, oh yes, very much often too indeed,
But let it not mask the red hot rage burning inside,
Sudden slaps and brutal punches are her specialty,
And no, there is no rule of fighting to which she abides!

From a distance I watch, 'cause she is not exactly next door,
Listening quietly, not a word more do I wish to say,
From the distance I watch her smile, clueless why,
But the fact that she does, is enough for her everyday,
That girl, that girl interrupted, anyways, happy birthday!

The haunting

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 22:50

0

I don't keep looking back at what I long left behind,
I trust ashes of my memories must have been blown away,
"May he rest in peace", probably was not even whispered,
"Dead and hence forgotten" is the new mantra anyway!

But once in a while the vengeful me tends to rise from the dead,
And with unsaid questions the distorted shadow knocks on my door,
"How could you move on and leave me there to rot and die,
When you knew I was a part of you which you mercilessly tore"?

Bathed in blood and tar, the dark sludge dripping from his body,
His eyes gloomy and murky, his lips sealed and stitched monstrously,
His hands burned and twisted, neither begging nor pointing,
He was just there, stolid, without remorse, motionless and lonely.

A part of me, yes, a part of my very own soul, my long lost self,
Born of the pieces chiseled out to keep myself untouched and pure,
And while I was too busy getting rid of this pain, I halved myself,
Oblivious of its everlasting consequences or its illusory cure!

Truthfully

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 02:27

0

Stranded at the far end of the street,
You feel the road could have just begun;
You turn around and start walking,
Towards the probable distant horizon!

Staring at the murky twilight outside,
You realize it could be the break of dawn;
You get out of your ridiculously cozy bed,
Thinking the day has not yet begun!

Sitting alone along the sandy lonesome beach,
You look at the foot prints right by your side,
You believe someone else could have come along too,
And possibly would have gone away for a ride!

Listening to the only song being played aloud,
You sense it could be all about you right now,
You notice its what you wrote a long time back,
As if you knew this would come true somehow!

Trying hard to believe all this to be about me,
I hear the distinct ring of the overhead wind chime,
And I smile at myself, "I am not dreaming,
At least not today, not this time"!

Home

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 01:00

0

I am going home,
Where it all comes to an end.

Torn papers and stashed cards,
The anger and undying love in that;
Read letters and songs sung,
The cliche acts and pure emotions behind that;
Distances travelled and days waited,
The agony and joy of accomplishment of that;

I am coming home,
Yes, I am indeed.

The truth

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 16:52

2

Its neither about being a born sadist,
Nor turning a pessimistic with time.
Its neither called giving up the little hopes,
Nor can it be the undying fear of loss.
Its neither about the absence of of the dream,
Nor the presence of the disappointments.

Its neither about how sincerely you try or fight,
Nor is it whether others believe is right.
Its neither called being just another coward,
Nor can it be an alternative to struggle.
Its neither about getting lost amidst the faces,
Nor is it rediscovering yourself in any way.

Yet you will give up one day and accept the truth,
For once come face to face with the wretched reality.
Who was always there with a smug smile on his face,
And a curious few bunch of words for you at the end,
"You fail, you rise, and you continue trying again and again,
But how long do you think even you can survive that pain" ?

Those bits

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 22:41

3

I just sit there, thinking,
Getting sad, and heart broken,
Feeling betrayed and suffocated,
Growing jealous, and happy,
All muddled up with a hint of pride.

But then my heart grows heavy,
And its weight keeps mounting up;
I struggle, trying to cut it down,
Desperate to cut off myself from me,
And throw its bits down with disdain.

I succeed, yes I do, just a little,
I always do, always have been,
But then whats left shamelessly stays,
As it has, since eternity, those bits.

Drop by drop an ocean becomes,
And so do I drown to the depths,
I don't swim, never knew either,
Just stay, motionless, not a sound,
And watch you, watch you grow,
See you go away, further away,
And as my vision fades, my senses rest,
I commit to the emptiness inside.

The unusual status

Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 11:54

1

The diary has been forgotten once more,
The words have deserted too for good,
The pen carelessly thrown somewhere else,
The ink dried off, spilled all over the table.

"Who cares about this anyway, when you don't" ?

Thoughts have become selfishly good for nothing,
The heart just throws up at every mention of it,
The eyes have stopped searching finally this time,
The body just does what its best at, keep working fine.

"Damn, its about time, don't you think boy" ?

The songs have stopped making sense for the first time,
The memories wiped clean with nothing much left,
The moods, all have become mostly the same anyways,
The senses have finally come to their senses in the end.

"That is life, sweet, one hell of a life, ain't it" ?

As always

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 23:20

5

a page from his diary,

In the end they leave,
They all do without fail.

Deserted and unnoticed,
You are left alone like always.

They turn back, once in a while,
Yes, they look back, stare in pity.

And people nudge you, with their words,
Remind you of yourself, "how do you do" ?

I am off

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 00:50

0

Days crawl into the inglorious past,
And revisit to stab me from behind.
The wait never seems to be over,
And it kills me every second inside.

I make a run for the sake of my life,
Only to re-return to the place I began.
I just keep writing on and on in vain,
'Cause the words go unnoticed with time.

And then you ask me the most silly question,
Why am I always in a hurry to go off?

Did I ?

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 02:35

0

a page from his diary,

A distant whistle,
A reflection of what it was,
Carefree and reckless,
Living as it was given,
Take it with both hands,
And never question why?

I believed it would last an eternity,
Till I would be alive.

I believed it would always be,
Just the way it was.

I believed, yes I swear I did.

Failures ?

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 02:03

0

a page from his diary,

Just a little drunk,
That is all I am right now.

The brain refuses to budge,
The tequila has failed yet again.

The smokes send their regards,
They can't help me, no more.

Friends just make another excuse,
Look at me with narrowed eyes.

"You are drowning too deep,
We can't reach you there".

They all say the same,
What they haven't in a while!

Times change

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 03:33

4

a page from his diary,

There was a time,
When I used to enjoy this,
Being all alone in a room,
Doing nothing but dream,
Dream things which were never possible.

There was a time,
When I used to love the company,
Being with all and simply enjoy,
The present and the ridiculous past,
Never thinking twice.

There was a time,
When I was all alone,
And yet there was a voice,
Which kept urging me to go on,
Till the end of time.

There was a time,
When I made this life,
As I wanted it to be,
Struggling and stammering through,
To something I had never seen.

And there is now,
The me,
Any guesses what it could be?

Please don't!

He lives

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 04:14

0

a page from his diary,

Seldom is this life as you picture it to be,
Often it is just like another game we play,
Winning and losing, betting and battling,
Stopping and turning, figuring out the bluff.

You take up the days and make it worthy,
You live a single night and you realize,
This is all just nothing, just another sham,
And yet you live on, wanting to believe.

But there is always a limit to the wait,
An end to every road you take up,
A day when you can't take it anymore,
A moment when you give it up for good.

"So what, if I gave up just yesterday?
If I had no courage to go on anymore?
If I wanted the misery to end now, today?
If I only wished and those never came true?"

"I live on, don't I, just like you, unlike you,
Instead of dropping down motionless and dead,
Carrying on for the sake of things you don't know,
Knowing what is mine and what can never be"!

"Lets take a moment at a time", they used to say,
"Make the present count, make your presence felt,
Don't cry over the spilled milk over and over again,
It'll be washed away and gone tomorrow anyway"!

incomplete, someday?

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 01:43

2

a page from his diary,

You might be smiling when someones leaving,
Knowing she would never be coming back,
Laughing at your idiocracy or your damn luck,
And wishing "I'll pull through no matter what".

Every damn thing is shattered to pieces,
Hopes, lives and every dream that mattered,
But you think you'll still make it through,
"Let her go", I'll find a way out anyway.

And just like that you forgot it all,
And never even mentioned in your life,
And lived happily ever after since then,
Are we to really believe all that you say?


Do I wait or leave?

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 00:25

4

Damn girl you take my heart away,
With those silly words and your surprises.
As if I can relive those moments,
The bitter-sweet reminiscence of the past.

The little walks, those long distances,
The unending wait for hours at end,
And I guess I am still in the wait mode,
Somewhere I always used be back then!

And that makes me feel I am back,
Back to being entirely myself a little more,
Thinking and contemplating the outcomes,
Still confused inside-out, right to the core.

Yet here I am in this irritating world,
Trying to work it out, trying hard to fit,
Dragging and pulling myself together,
Part by part, bit by bit.

And here she comes, crushing my hopes,
Stunning me with her smile and off she goes,
At times like the biting cold frost of the winter,
Other as soothing as the winds from the shores.

"I am not going anywhere,
Sorry for being such a fool", I say,
Wishing and yearning for the impossible,
That she would, just like old times, "stay"!

But I smile, I look at the long road ahead,
And pick up the only backpack I've got,
"Did I really change this much?", I think,
"Hell yeah I did, a very long time back"!
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