I'm sorry

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 22:31


I forced it all on, didn't I?
I had never wanted it though,
Yet I did say it all somehow,
And finally, I'm glad to know!

I was the choker, wasn't I?
Muffling voices rising within thee,
Even strangling the living to death,
I still wonder how that could be me!

It was all my mistake, wasn't it?
Though I had never felt it to be,
But I can see its so obvious now,
How the fault was always in me!

Shaping the world, wasn't I?
Perfection was my ultimate goal,
Yet it was no less than a disaster,
Being the dream of a single soul!

I wanted so much more, didn't I?
The silly heart, the beautiful mind,
But I was definitely not worth it,
'Cause I was ultimately left behind!

I'm ashamed of what I thought it was,
And what it finally turned out to be,
Thinking my search was actually over,
When clearly it wasn't meant to be!

And even as most of it is forgotten I guess,
And there is nothing that could ever be,
I hope its not a bit too late to apologize,
'Cause I'm sorry for trying to change you to me.

P.S. - Sometimes the truth is worse than you thought. And people, stop pretending! It hurts, specially when you know the truth.

A dedication

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 21:42


Less than two weeks did I have with her,
Not that I ever wanted the entire lifetime,
Yet a part of me was a bit guilty inside,
As if I had committed a grievous crime.

A journey was where it had someday begun,
So, back there we were at the end of days,
And while it started with a single destination,
We had now set course for our separate ways.

And even as,
It could not have rained love or sparked many fires,
As I sit thinking, my thoughts appear to be bizarre,
'Cause I seem to treasure a few choicest moments,
And especially those from which I used to run too far.

And though,
We might be applauded for a few sweet act of ours,
Yet I honestly believed our good bye would be sad,
But the sweet ice-cream and the gentle parting kisses,
Could easily rank among the top moments we ever had.

Some say I wanted this, others believe its for my good,
But I assume my fate to be playing a few games again,
And though I'm not very optimistic of the future ahead,
I can happily announce I'm devoid of the stinking pain.

And finally,
I can only murmur to myself in the dark,
"I saw it come to me and then watched it depart",
And its funny, 'cause the world still asks,
"You little monster, do you even have a heart ?"

P.S. - As the title suggests its dedicated to someone. But lets not get too far with the details here.

The fling

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 09:15


Is this the breaking of a new dawn?
Or is it actually the twilight saying hello?
While the night is eagerly waiting its turn,
To shroud the light of the day in despair.

I might smile at the break-through I have,
Yet I wish I could gather some courage,
And talk myself out of this little wreck,
Stop myself from being not the real "me".

Does it hurt to fool the silly heart like this?
No it doesn't, yet its like living on some drug,
Knowing I'm cared for every tiniest moment,
Even as I never could be myself even a bit.

It just being a matter of a few bloody days now,
Before I realize I've lost the heart and the mind,
Craving for a little more in the life's empty corners,
Searching like an emotionally drugged desperate fool.

And its only the smiles and happiness which matters,
Even as I'm confident they would soon come to an end,
'Cause this is the first fling that I've come across in my life,
This is what I'm not, but seem to have regretfully become!

P.S. - Wrote this a few days back. I don't think I still think this way, or at least that is what I want myself to believe.

Smoking love

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 18:47


I pulled out a love stick from the pack,
Somehow I chose you out of the huge lot,
And never saw that they all were the same,
Thinking, "this is what my fate has all got".

I placed you recklessly between my schedule,
As someone pulled out a light and lit it for me,
And I ignorantly took it all into my barren life,
'Cause it was thrill that was offered by thee.

I had just took in the very first few sips of you,
And I was already under an illusion too smoky,
I held you and your presence seemed to be forever,
'Cause you were the only one I saw close to me.

I enjoyed every insignificant moment with you,
And didn't ever care to see the red burning you,
Losing, tiring and turning into ashes almost instantly,
I never knew the moments were reducing to a few.

You burned at a distance, so that I couldn't feel you,
And all I received was your incessant love and care,
I cared for you too, but it never crossed my mind,
That you burning and falling all alone is not quite fair.

All I felt was a bitter and sour taste in my mouth,
'Cause nothing could ever remain the same perfect,
And while you were nearly the same burning insane,
I had begun noticing the small non-existent defect.

Or might be I was mindful of the love drawing close,
'Cause soon no fun was to be drawn out of this,
And even as I was someday so sure this was it,
I was starting to be mindful of the things I did miss.

Like the tempting love pack kept just by my side,
Suddenly it was all I had in my deceitful mind,
But I had the courtesy to wait till this was over,
When I would be sure you were kept far behind.

And as I sucked up the smoke of love too hard,
I didn't notice you were burning even more red,
Still trying to please me and cover my mistakes,
But I already had planned something in my head.

The flame was dying, 'cause I could feel its heat,
Accounting for all the smoke balls I was ever fed,
And while I did put you in the ash tray to never let go,
Your light and smoke vanished like you were so dead.

Then I looked at the unexplored pack of possibilities,
Something I was forced to ignore while in your love,
And with you dead and flamed off, I thought anew,
"Lets relive the fun and get over with the old love".

And as the rest started to tempt me a bit too much,
I really thought it was time to move on to what I get,
And according to me, try something a little different,
Even as it was the same freaking mortal cigarette!

P.S. - One fine day while I was smoking, this analogy between love and cigarette came to my mind, and somehow it does fit, at least in some cases.

Lying next to me

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 00:59


I saw my life, my future, my dreams take shape,
As I realized she was right there, lying next to me.

"I'm so not looking into your eyes right now,
I'm just staring at myself growing terribly old

"I'm not just touching your soft precious hands,
I'm only soothing my little daughter to sleep

"I'm so not bragging about my job here,
I'm merely trying to show the future that would be

"I'm definitely not throwing my body all over you,
I'm here to prove I love you no matter what may be

"But I don't think its going to be quite possible,
Unless you come up and well, at least kiss me

And even as I had those very words in my mind,
I could never have enough guts to speak for me.

But somehow she knew me and reciprocated,
'Cause a month later she would be married to me.

P.S. - The credit for the idea of the verse goes to the blog Room for Romance.

P.P.S. - Don't even ask me how I came up with something like that, I have no idea!

On my mind

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 14:23


I'm thinking of this life,
Part of it coming to a close,
And I'm busy cleaning the mess,
These years have created in me.

I'm trying to recall it all,
Those that were when I came,
And the ones I'm leaving with,
Making extensive note of both.

I'm comparing the two 'me',
The one who was innocently silent,
And the experienced wicked being,
Of what I lost in this change's way.

I'm sorting out my companions,
Analyzing who are the only ones,
And if I miss someone in the list,
I'm sure he'll knock at my door.

I'm gathering all that I've learnt,
'Cause of all that I've been through,
And noting each of my mistakes,
Those I'm fearful of committing again.

I'm deciding whats next now,
Where do I go from here on,
And most of all with whom,
If at all someone is with me?

That is all for now,
Thoughts governing my mind,
Overburdening my small existence,
Making my terrible life even more miserable.
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