A goodbye

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 04:18

9


Faking the smile is easy,
Conjuring the poetic soul is not.

Reasoning out with the mind is easy,
Bringing back the heart to life is not.

Losing an inspiration is easy,
Rediscovering it once more is not.

Writing something is easy,
Writing without an impetus is not.

Picking up a pen is easy,
Resting it for the lifetime is not.

Ending something is easy,
Forcibly carrying it on is not.

Saying hello to the world is easy,
Biding it good bye is definitely not.

What do I mean?

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 18:38

9


If I am silent for long,
Doesn't mean I'm thinking,
Possibly I have nothing more to do,
Other than staring into the emptiness!

If I am not talking to you,
Doesn't mean I don't want to,
Might be I can't speak to you,
I'm not the extrovert you think me!

If I am laughing at you,
Doesn't mean I'm not feeling for you,
'Cause some feeling are personal,
They can never be shown to you!

If I am smiling on the outside,
Doesn't mean I'm not crying within,
The tears could just have dried up,
And I'm left with nothing anymore!

If I appear to be too strong,
Doesn't mean I'm not in pain,
The fake strength is all I have now,
As I've overlooked the worries after all!

If I seem to be a free bird to you,
Doesn't mean I'm not bound in chains,
I could still be closed within myself,
Shackled to my myriad sweet memories!

If I am living every moment,
Doesn't mean I am not dying inside,
Could be I have been long dead,
I'm simply dragging the corpse around!

If I am doing something,
Doesn't mean I want to do it,
I just might not know what to do,
Most times I'm clueless what I mean!

The onlooker

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 04:47

2


You could stare from a distance,
Just keep watching I say,
At least that will be definitely real,
Unless every other thing is a fake!

You never know how to expect,
Or could find no reason to do so?
And when there is no expectation,
There could be no reason to hurt!

You will have your dreams,
Elaborate, cute, unrealistic dreams,
And yet truer than the broken now,
So better keep living in your dreams!

Neither unfulfilled promises nor lost words,
No pondering about the future,
Just the five minute moment you live,
The only moment that could ever matter!

There will be no shackles to break free,
'Cause freedom still is all yours,
Whenever you want it to be yours,
Or when you decide it has to be she!

No sparks of passion to fly around,
Only an occasional racing heart beat,
Or a super sized 32 teethed smile,
Now forget everything and just enjoy!

Heart breaks remain the unseen ghosts,
And while you could have a drooping face,
You invariably end up getting cheered,
'Cause you were never a part of the race!

Just don't love someone yet so easily,
Simpler is to watch her from a distance,
'Cause I've seen numerous love turn traitors,
And most are always fearful of a defeat!

And now that I know all this and more,
I begin wondering why I never knew this,
Wishing had this been the way I was,
I could have been saved a million wars!

Craving for drugs

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 11:02

2


I thought I had beaten it after all!
How foolish I was to dream of a win,
To believe the disease was eradicated,
To imagine myself free from its clutches!

But I didn't realize until now,
I've been defeated so bad,
I've been pushed to a place,
From where there is no return!

As my friend had called it once,
Love, a drug in our lives, in us!
And I've been addicted real bad,
And sadly I can't find alternatives to it!

I'm searching for the drug back in me,
But knowing that could never happen,
I'm turning into a worse being,
An addict, a serious drug addict!

But my hands can't stretch too long,
And I know I've to be satisfied with little,
Fighting my self conscience every moment,
Trying to reason out or run away from me!

I've turned to the smokes, no big deal?
Well, not really, I don't think so,
But then its not it, the end is not here,
I crave for more, to remain in a trance!

I can't live like this, can't be simply living,
I need something, in the absence of someone,
And while I have nothing left within me,
Intuitively I turn to drinking, to turn to love!

I don't let myself go back to where I was,
I at least can't do it consciously myself,
So why remain in my senses when all I get is hurt?
Better be out of my mind, no mind – no hurts!

And I remain happy, smiling and thinking,
Of the times I should and the ones I shouldn't,
I've come past caring about my broken dreams,
I just want to hang on tightly to my memories!

And I can't give them away to anyone, none,
Not so easily, 'cause they are my own, my very own!
'Cause somewhere deep down I still live that life,
Even when I show I don't even bother to think that way!

But even as I crave for more of the memories frantically,
I suddenly realize all of it is fake, an outright lie now,
So why not turn to the one that is definitely for real,
And I crave for drugs, welcoming them to my life!

P.S. - Was that "me", me? I hope not!

I can't see through you

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 03:39

0


You were never a transparent crystal,
And yet I had my ways to get to you,
Even as the fog of confusion was alive,
I still could make my way through you,
Feeling the path to your inner self,
Searching and following the feeble light,
Which always illuminated your heart,
Something I always looked forward to.

I always knew when you were upset,
And when you were trying to pretend,
Even as I couldn't hear much of you.
I knew that sleepy voice of your's,
And knew when it was really time to sleep,
Even when I couldn't see your drooping eyes.
I could recognize the drag in your tone,
The subdued irritation in your words,
And the cries, even as I never saw the red eyes.

The fog seemed to have become too thick,
Or have you restricted me to where you are,
Keeping me away from yourself for my sake?
I still keep searching for that guiding light,
And remain lost in its blind, fruitless search.
All doors seem to be shut too tight,
All the colourful curtains drawn to a close,
And I keep standing here, confused!

I can't see through your falsehood anymore,
I always remain deceived by the girl I knew,
But this girl is no more unknown to me,
She is the same girl I love and care,
And yet she has changed for good or worse,
I couldn't keep track of the time enough,
I couldn't understand her just enough,
I couldn't come up to her worth enough!

And yet, I've not lost hope,
I keep searching for you,
Still trying...
I ask myself, really?

The time is gone

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 09:22

11


How swiftly do things change!
How easily do we wither away!
How unlucky are the memories,
To remain as memories only,
Far away from being the reality,
Miles apart from our true lives!

There was a time,
When I loved to see those words,
Even the smallest mention of 'you',
In the facebook's recent updates,
Be it the joining of a silly group,
Or a small thought provoking note,
Or a beautifully penned poetry!

I still see those words,
Your cute profile pic popping up,
And still feel a gush of blood,
From every inch of my body,
Rushing in hope to fill my heart,
And see them get cold in the run,
By the time they reach their destiny,
Its boiling hot, scorching my heart,
Creating more fissures than mending,
Aching each bit more than soothing.

While there was sometime a 'me',
Re-reading and re-turning the pages,
To come back to 'you' again and again,
Now there is a 'me', a different 'me',
Wanting to run away from those words,
Shutting down those very pages quickly,
And hiding beneath some useless crap.
Scared to go to where I was,
Somewhere I did once belong,
Somewhere I always wanted to be,
Somewhere I definitely will never be!

Sometimes...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 23:58

10

Sometimes,
Yes a lot many times,
Why do I lose it?
When I know it all,
The beginning and the end,
The futility of false hopes!

Sometimes,
A few times each day,
Why do I want to cry?
Like its the only thing,
The one I can do myself,
That I have had not enough!

Sometimes,
In unusual moments,
Why do I break?
'Cause I need to be strong,
Have to move on away,
But I simply feel crippled!

Sometimes,
Most of the time,
Why I can't continue?
Get on with this life,
My friends and family,
'Cause that is all I've got!

Sometimes,
I have no count,
Why do I remain stuck there?
Hanging where I shouldn't,
Dreaming the impossible,
Trying to relive the moments!

Sometimes,
Even when I shouldn't,
Why do I feel lonely?
Even back at college,
Where I'm always busy,
When I really have no time!

Sometimes,
All through the day,
Why do I pretend to be fine?
Scared to show my heart,
Fearful that no one understands,
Knowing there is no one at all!

Sometimes,
With my friends,
Why do I try to smile?
When I should actually laugh,
My lips just won't stretch,
Adamant they always remain!

But at other times,
When I don't do the above,
I just breathe in the air,
And well, live it, for its sake,
Its not meaningless,
Yet not always!

I fell in love - 7 (Life goes on)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 01:53

9


"Life is simple, it is to live",
That is how it is supposed,
That is how my friends state,
Its like a theory we proposed!

Our life was simple, isn't it?
And it was to remain so too,
Yes we had our share of tensions,
But we felt for each other too!

And yet I didn't ever dream of it,
Not about the way it turned out,
But that I'm finally writing this verse,
The end, without very little doubt!

Mistake, a petty small word,
And yet it engulfs all of this,
Your and our and her and mine,
Not that was, but what now is.

Am I pretending to be hopeful?
No, not this time at least it seems,
Its truly devoid of hope and belief,
End of the future and the dreams!

What remains are a few verses,
Incomplete just the way my life is now,
Unnamed like this relation we have,
With no answer, when and as to how?

Our lives indeed have to move on,
Within ourselves and without us,
Life stops for neither of us just here,
So why brood over this huge fuss?

But I can answer their silly question,
"Have you even fallen in love?"
These seven verses should be all,
My pieces of soul, "I fell in love"!

P.S. - No more to this series.
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