Let go...I gave up...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 05:34

4


'Let go' was my mantra,
When did you make it yours?
Or had you given up all the rights,
Those you still actually have on me,
'Cause I don't even remember,
When I took it all away?

Will it matter now,
In the tiniest of ways,
If I say I remember,
I still think of all of them.
The promises we made,
The letters we wrote,
The way we talked,
The rooms we decorated,
The lamps we bought.

Will it make a difference,
If I say, I still want it,
I still want to go back,
To being the way we were,
To having the love we had,
To debating we way we did,
To understanding the way we could,
To making our lives together.

But I'm scared to go back,
And that is all!
I'm terribly afraid,
That even when I go back,
I'll be here once more,
Standing where I stand now,
Hurting and bleeding all over again.

And while I just gave up on all this,
Too easily and with little fight,
You couldn't even call me back,
Out of guilt and rage,
You just turned your back,
And I walked away from you,
Head hung in disappointment.
And while I didn't give you,
The time you needed,
You didn't give me just one thing,
A small promise to continue!

But you were broken, I remember,
Broken to hear, "out of love",
And what should I have been?
Crushed to bits and pieces?
How well the saying goes,
"We can rise from our ashes",
But, "the broken cannot be mend",
And so be it, let it be the end!

After an year

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , , | Posted on 19:46

0


I'm back again,
I return to the woods,
In an undying faith,
To relive those moments.
To smell the soft virgin air,
Unadulterated my the sun.
To gather it cold aura,
Untouched by the golden rays.
To listen to the creaks,
Of the numerous stout trees,
Standing aloft in pride.
To stare at their baby leaves,
Covered in a layer of moisture,
And a fine veil of dust.
To tread on the selfish stones,
Sitting right in the middle of the street.
To trample the red dust below,
And feel its cushion on my feet,
And glide over patches of mud,
In my own childish glee.

I came back here again,
To be challenged once more,
By the distance that keeps growing,
And the road which knows no end.
To realize the limits of my own,
And set more of them.
To make myself hungry for the air,
And gasp at the fresh blowing wind.
To feel my heart racing on,
Amidst the rising music beats.

Finally I've come back,
And experienced it all,
Ye there is a void in me,
An emptiness refusing to fill,
A wound failing to heal,
Why is my heart not singing?
How has it forgotten its lyrics?
Why is it not at peace?
Can someone answer me please.

P.S. - Written a long time ago, a month ago I suppose.

Be real for me

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 18:43

6


Where are you right now?
Do you feel my heart cry?
Burdened by the weights,
Heavy as hell thrown on me,
Your absence is all I see,
Why can't I feel your hands.
Wiping my tears as they flow?
Why can't I tell you all,
This mystery, this hurtful soul,
Bent on revenge and filled with rage?
I'm searching frantically,
Wandering my empty hands,
Over all the trash I see here,
Just to feel your touch once.
Why are you not not here with me?

Imaginations are all that is left of me,
And I'm hallucinating you,
Breathing your love,
Kissing your hurt,
Feeling your heart,
In old faith you'll do too,
And I'll have some peace,
But why is this?
Why can't I feel you around me?
Why is this feeling of loneliness,
Killing me every second?
Crushing me into bits and pieces,
Each moment I spent,
Times spent uselessly,
Without you.

I need you dear,
I want you now,
Just be real for me,
For all I see are shadows,
Shadows of my past,
And glimpse of the future!

P.S. - Quite a few days ago, 20 days to be exact, I had written this.

Dreamy dreams

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 11:55

8


Lost in the deathly silence of the night,
I remain stranded in my world all alone,
Bleeding and crying in my loneliness,
Afraid to open my forced shut eyes,
Scared that finally this is not a dream.

I've dreamt more than enough already,
Not to dream any more in this lifetime,
Watched them grow tall and healthy,
And then seen them reduced to dust,
I am tired of breaking them anymore.

I never dreamt, never could do,
Then you came along in my life,
And brought along the fairy tale life,
To live forever and last the eternity,
And I knew this was to stay of course.

But I didn't know I was dreaming,
Already in your trance I had entered,
And I dreamt, the first in my entire life,
Since then I kept sinking deep in its world,
Unknown that none of it was at all real.

One after another they just came,
Building castles in my not so happy life,
And I never ever doubted their  strength,
Forgetting anything can happen here,
Because it is, but the world of dreams.

And all proved to be what they were,
Dreamy dreams!

That one day

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 01:00

12


I can still feel the heat,
The sweat beads flowing,
The half-closed eyes,
Burning in the sun,
After a wait till infinity,
The weather I described.

I can still see the light,
The bright white I love,
And the murky orange,
Or even the stinging one,
Of the small lamp burning,
Resting still on the table.

I remember the clock,
The time that ticked away,
Unnoticed and alone,
Slipping out of my hands,
Like an invisible shadow,
Floating up to the sky.

I still think of the number,
Glowing in green on the AC,
With everything under control,
The cold and the numbness,
And then my little silly help,
The touch of the fingers.

I can still see the distance,
And a long wait, hours,
For that to close to zero,
And the reasons for it,
Bending my head in tears,
For fear they be noticed.

I can still smell the fragrance,
Experienced first hand,
Once and once again,
Brushing against the hair,
Long, black and half-curled,
And getting lost in them.

I still yearn for that embrace,
The once in a lifetime,
The first of many to come,
Pure, scared, devoid of lust,
Just a bond, a string,
Pulling two lives together.

I can still feel the cushion,
Below and at times above,
That soft naughty force,
The mix of the moisture,
The taste of the pink,
The lock without a key.

I still feel sleepy,
But its just not enough,
To wake in my dreams,
And live the day and night,
Or to stare into emptiness,
And then fall back again.

I still hate to think,
I walked in the morning,
Had to leave her alone,
Standing at the corner,
Of the street she lived,
When I still had a little time.

I still wanna go back,
To the one day I lived,
And will never live again,
The day I met my life,
And came face to face,
To my present and future!

P.S. - This poem is dedicated to the day (8th June) I met my love for the first time. Notably we had fallen in love even before we had seen each other.

P.P.S. - I love you.

My plan

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 17:46

14


I didn't plan to write this out,
I never knew I could compose.
My plan was to blurt out myself,
And feel the joy in doing so.

I didn't plan to make this blog,
I never knew blogging was in me.
My plan was to be socially active,
And blogging was a way to do it.

I didn't plan to live in my verses,
I never knew their subtle meaning.
My plan was to write as a hobby,
And scribble for the fun in it.

I didn't plan to open up my heart,
I never knew poems spoke from it.
My plan was to keep all to myself,
And be a closed, secure book.

I didn't plan to keep writing from then,
I never knew I wouldn't tire out.
My plan was to type and forget,
And seldom come back there.

I didn't plan to paint the verses anew,
I never knew the colours were not lost.
My plan was to let the scribbler be buried,
And preclude it from further stinging pain.

But my plans seldom do work out,
And this one failed miserably,
And it grew into my passion and love,
Only when you rewrote my life's book.

P.S. - A land mark this is for me. This marks the 100th post of my blog. At least something to cheer about, isn't it?

P.P.S. - I thank all my fellow blogger friends who have criticized, appreciated and inspired me to keep writing. And the special one who brought me back to the world of poetry. Thank you love.
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