Her silent pain

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 16:19

"I hate being like this",
Her unheard curse.
"What will I do?"
Her unanswered query.
"I can't do anything at all",
Her un-fought defeat!

And she lives like this,
With a gleeful smile,
And a broody heart.
Her cries are an encore,
A testimony of her tears,
And an ebullition of her soul.

She had been silent,
All through these days,
Impending her thoughts,
For her family, her parents,
Their joyous well being,
Her obtruded responsibility,
While she submitted to fate,
In her mournful silence,
Arched under the weight,
Of her silent pain!

"It was mounting up",
Waiting for its extravasation,
Unheeded for long,
Hiding in the corners,
Behind the flowers of joy,
And the rocks of adventure,
Overshadowed by the mountain,
Of the majestic ardent love.

But how long?
And now its flared up,
Burning her delights,
Devouring her smiles,
Snatching her peace,
Crushing her heart,
Hungry for her soul,
An unstoppable beast,
Craving for more.

And the helpless me,
Sitting miles away,
Banging my fists,
On the innocent wall,
Squeezing my face,
In the unshared pain,
Waiting for the day,
When I could be there,
To hold her when she fell,
To restore her smiles,
To give back her peace,
To lighten up her heart,
And free her soul.
Still thinking if I could be there,
If only I could be there...

Comments (6)

Sad is all i can say..

And I believe that is my reaction too...

It's not like I'm numb,
like I don't feel a thing.
I just don't know what that feelings mean,
it doesn't mean anything to me.
I still love you,
I still care.
Somewhere, I'm aware of every single thing,
and yet somehow I'm not.

It's not like I don't want to tell you;
but I'm scared of burdening you,
of scaring you off;
'cause it scares me even.
It's not that I want to keep you in the dark.
It's just that I can't help not saying.
That when it comes,
it buries me in,
and I see no point in anything.
Things just shut down all around me,
my depression the only bulk on the horizon.
Death seems to be the only option,
not love or life.

I can't cry out,
'cause I don't want to.
Come to face it,
is there anything I want to do then?
There's nothing I wish for,
but to lie down and cry.
'cause when it falls,
it shuts everyone out.
Even you.
It drags me under,
pulls me in deep,
and from the murky depths,
you- as all else- seem so alien,
so far away, so meaningless
that I know and I don't know you,
I care and I don't care.

It's silent, all right,
this pain,
but it's as much yours as it is mine.
It is theirs as well.
In my hurt
- as much as I hate myself for it-
I hurt you too.
And it makes it worse.

Sometimes I wish,
wish I could tell you how it is,
crying at every little thing,
darkness all around,
nothing to break the gloom
and that irrational anger at the world,
even at you;
but don't you have stuff enough
to bother you already,
than having me pile up my own share on you?

Sometime I hope,
it'll be over.
This pain,
mine and yours.
And for those times
when I'm far away from you,
when I'm mad,
I just need you to know,
I love you.

I know, and yet I don't all of this.
But I'm sure of this much, that you love me, and I love you too, forever.

Zave, I must apologise, I really can't quite appreciate your thoughts, because, reading them made me terribly upset. Loose ends that are a part of my relationship. Maybe, that it could stir so many emotions in me probably is a compliment by itself.

I could take it as a compliment that it was able to touch you, but I would rather like to apologize that it might have made you recall some bitter experiences of your life.
And all I could say is sorry, because I too know how it feels.

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Its time you write what you want,

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