Her grave

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 20:39


"When shall you next come?"
She asked in childish disgust.
"Soon enough, I'm waiting...",
I had said with a hint of lust!
And now I walk by her grave,
Vowing never to love again,
Having brutally lost my loved first!

A vague answer was all I had,
And the confusion remains still,
Be it the bright hopeful irritating day,
Or the sulky refreshing night's chill!
As I stare at her grave in disbelief,
Wanting to find reasons to live,
To refrain myself from my own kill.

And all I do is murmur my words,
A group of syllable all confused,
With beads of brine in my eyes,
Which always seems to be glued!
As I mourn by her grave all along,
Trying to wash off the blood,
Of my injured, lost and defeated mood.

I still do what I had always done,
Pouring my silly heart to her,
And then try to relive in the past,
The only moments we had too few.
As I sit by her grave like she was mine,
Trying to seek the wedlock blessing,
From the ignorant heavenly dew.

Trying to read the delusive signs,
Of the self less bird's chatter,
Or the irritated ant's countless stings,
All of which at once seem to matter.
As I rest by her grave still tranquil,
Thinking of ways to get back to her,
Right at the moment or even latter.

The world calling back to me,
Laughing at me in disguise,
But I keep eluding them,
Be it the eternal fool or the wise!
As I cling to her grave so tight,
Never to leave her out of sight,
For no worthy and earthly prize!

The days come to their end,
But my ever lonely miseries do not,
Replenish them myriad times,
Keeping them burning and hot!
As I kiss her grave good night,
Never wanting to part ways with her,
Like I had always thought!

Walking away I try to feel her,
Even when I know she is no more,
Still believing I could live in her absence,
Knowing none could heal this heart's sore,
I keep coming back to her grave,
Not knowing how to ever let her go,
Who was once a part of my soul, my core!

Her silent pain

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 16:19


"I hate being like this",
Her unheard curse.
"What will I do?"
Her unanswered query.
"I can't do anything at all",
Her un-fought defeat!

And she lives like this,
With a gleeful smile,
And a broody heart.
Her cries are an encore,
A testimony of her tears,
And an ebullition of her soul.

She had been silent,
All through these days,
Impending her thoughts,
For her family, her parents,
Their joyous well being,
Her obtruded responsibility,
While she submitted to fate,
In her mournful silence,
Arched under the weight,
Of her silent pain!

"It was mounting up",
Waiting for its extravasation,
Unheeded for long,
Hiding in the corners,
Behind the flowers of joy,
And the rocks of adventure,
Overshadowed by the mountain,
Of the majestic ardent love.

But how long?
And now its flared up,
Burning her delights,
Devouring her smiles,
Snatching her peace,
Crushing her heart,
Hungry for her soul,
An unstoppable beast,
Craving for more.

And the helpless me,
Sitting miles away,
Banging my fists,
On the innocent wall,
Squeezing my face,
In the unshared pain,
Waiting for the day,
When I could be there,
To hold her when she fell,
To restore her smiles,
To give back her peace,
To lighten up her heart,
And free her soul.
Still thinking if I could be there,
If only I could be there...

The paper flowers

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 21:31


I walked through the long night,
Speaking my heart out to my love,
Regardless of the moon's twilight,
Never kissing my rusty skin.
I walked along the rusty metal bars,
Lined with trees unknown,
Feeling the leaves peeking in,
Suddenly I pulled some,
And gave them a casual look.

"Flowers, red paper flowers?"
The air went thinner,
The lights went dim,
My eyes nearly shuttered down,
And I found myself in a trance,
Like I had touched the portkey!

"Johny Johny, yes papa",
A kid plays, hops around,
Feeling the light air,
Holding paper flowers,
And grinding them into pieces,
"Eating sugar, no papa",
Trying to walk the sandy way,
His feet gets clogged into it,
He looks aggressive,
And kicks his shoes off,
"Open your mouth, ha ha ha",
And runs in his childish glee,
And takes control of the sea-saw,
He hits a port key again.

"Yes you can do it,
Break his teeth",
Still fighting his way up,
The child has grown up,
But just by a few years,
To counter his first enemy,
The first fist fight of his life,
Rolling on the pitiful sands,
Trampling the flowers below,
He grabs his collar,
Goes with the punching,
He hits a portkey again.

"This is good, what was its use?"
The boy looks at the remains,
The sands are all nearly gone,
Even the mother of the flowers,
What remained were bits of it.
The sandy park is being shifted,
Moved to a better place,
A place he never played,
But what does that matter,
He would never play again,
"I will what never?"
A dagger presses to his heart,
He clasps his chest in pain,
He hits the portkey again.

"You love her?"
The astonishment fades,
"And the first prize goes to ...",
The smile disappears,
"Hey, we kissed!",
The moisture dries off,
"Where are you going to?"
The pain is inevitable,
"I cannot forget her",
The cries calling back,
"Find the differentiation of ...",
The writings blurs away,
"Wow, I got into the college",
"What? What are you talking?"
The voice was still loud and clear!
"Oh, yes, what, I said something?"

"You said someth............."
The voice seemed so distant again,
I crashed on the grime floor,
Thoughts running to and fro,
A grin spread along my lips,
"I did have a beautiful life,
A life only I could have lived,
And lived even better",
I told to myself.

I felt something in my hands,
I loosened my sweaty grip,
The torn paper flowers lay there,
Lifelessly with no energy left,
Trying to say in their death,
"We took you on a journey,
Do you remember now?"
I smiled at them,
But tears rolled down my eyes,
Dripping on to the deceased,
Like kissing them good bye.

I staggered back up on my feet,
"Hey, what happened to yo....."
The voice still made no sense,
And holding up my palm,
I blew their bits away,
Wishing they move on,
Taking someone along,
To their forgotten past!

And as they floated away,
I whispered in tears,
"Paper flowers,
Thank you".

Noble thought and his counterpart

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 02:46


"Let her sleep, she needs it,
Her body will bless our soul".
The other one speaks,
"How could she do this to us?
Doesn't she know we want to talk?"

"She is tired of all the arduous exams,
She has to relax just a bit".
The other one argues,
"Was I devoid of the worldly labour,
'Cause I'm in no dreamless slumber"?

"She is too weak and sapless,
She can't take all this pain".
The other one loses no hope,
"So why doesn't she have her food?
When I harp on it everyday in vain?"

"There is no point in waking her,
She won't stand the mortal world".
The fight continues,
"If you want she will do what you say,
But you don't have the courage to do"!

"Sweetheart, are you awake?
Are you feeling too sleepy?"
There is but a casual smile,
"So, that is your way of waking her up?
Couldn't you have sounded more freaky?"

"Yes, I am sleepy dear,
But no, I won't sleep now,
We will talk through the night,
And I'll sleep later in the day,
This is what I want now".

"See, she is willing to talk,
Even when she can't stand it".
A know-all smile flashes,
"And that is what you believe,
'Cause that is what she wants too"!

"Now give it a stop you fool,
You can feel she is sleepy too".
Anger flashes through,
"So why doesn't she play it cool,
And tell she can't talk to you?"

""Cause she is doing her best,
And she can't help it more".
Acting a lot ignorant,
"Yes, but she could try a lot harder,
To try and keep talking to you".

"Dear, are you there?
Are you still listening?
What are you doing now?
I'm feeling sleepy,
I had slept off a bit".

"You should sleep now,
You are too sleepy dear".
I-knew-it smiles all around,
"She still won't sleep,
Like I always said"!

"You are too sleepy,
You have class tomorrow".
Just a casual look,
"Continue, please continue,
That is the best you could do".

"I should really sleep?
I'm feeling sleepy,
I will sleep?
Okay, I'm going to bed,
Good night, sweet dreams".

"Good night, sleep well,
Finally she is off to sleep"!
Looks unanimated,
"So finally over?"
"Shut up, I'm off"!

And so the noble thought walks,
And so does his counterpart,
While I'm left with a bunch of words,
A few recollection of the talks,
And a little of the aching heart!

P.S. - This is posted under the poems category, but I hardly believe its a poem, yet its something really close to my heart. Thanks to Lily and her untimely sleep that helped me to write this.

Through my eyes

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 19:36


Young eyes, small child,
Fewer thoughts, lesser ideas,
More beautiful, more lawful,
This world would seem,
So most ignorant.
Then...through my eyes!

Be under a shade,
And watch this world,
In the light of innocence,
And when the lights are off,
View it in the cold dark,
The hulkish world.

Meet one in the shade,
And, “how good are you!”
Is all you'll hear,
But when there is snow,
And all have lost identity,
You get to see some new faces.
(if its not too muddy).

If the tree gives you fruits,
And sweet, oh its too busy,
But when its spring,
And they too have something,
You sit in one corner,
Munching your past,
While others yielding future.

If you have a help,
And which is a help to others,
They might stick for it,
But remember forever,
When they have their own,
Back they turn,
And walk off in pride.

If you go by this -
“As I, so let others be”,
And if you are bent,
You enjoy the moment,
But innocence pays its price,
Price till the last bit,
That is till you don't comply.

But let me say,
Whats today, might not last,
And there is the failure,
Innocence is wanted,
But crooked always dejected.

P.S. - This was written by me when I was in class 6 or 7. The fact that I got hold of this poem made me write the Long lost... poem, so I guess it is a prequel to it.

Long lost...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 18:17


A long lost pad,
A few forgotten verses,
From the long gone child.
Myriad emotions,
Unburnt innocence,
Baffling interpretations,
Of the unseen world,
Of the unblemished future,
And his conserved present!

A long lost page,
A few pencil scribes,
From the know-all boy.
Subtle thoughts,
Infantile feelings,
Elaborate wishes,
Of the perfect love,
Of the means of labour,
And his majestic life ahead!

A long lost note,
A few jumbled words,
From the amateur poet.
Incorrect spells,
Illegible write,
Unknown meaning,
Of the arduous work,
Of the firm beliefs,
And his own unusual style!

P.S. - Its the sequel to Through my eyes.

My unmarried wife

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 14:44


The silent look in her eyes,
And the love that I see inside,
Makes me forget this world,
And all the pain that is alive.

The ethereal melodies of her heart,
And the unspoken words too few,
Enthral me in her angelic fragrance,
Like the first fall of the heavenly dew.

The endearing taste of her tongue,
Still lingers on my yearning lips,
And the cruel loss of them,
Falls on my small heart as whips.

The feel of her elegant body,
And the touch of her priceless soul,
Lights up even my dying spirits,
Pulling me out of depression's hole!

The occasional stubborn needs,
And the deadly questions she asks,
Makes me unveil the child within me,
And face this bloody world without masks.

The lashing flames of her fervid anger,
And the calm faith she has in me,
Makes me walk the thorns of truth,
As the heavens would want it to be.

The unending dire thoughts,
And her anxious futuristic dreams,
Brings in even more responsibility,
Making me labour on my life's seams.

The non stop worldly chatter,
And every word of her care,
Makes me believe in the ardent love,
And this cruel fate being a bit fair.

The mere omnipresence of her,
And the role she plays in my life,
Is a blessing I can't even thank,
No less than my unmarried wife!

Our inconspicuous valentine

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 18:58


Stranded in my messy room,
Before an old blinking laptop,
Which takes ages to update,
But at least lucky to be online!

Dressed in mighty blue,
Opposed to the traditions,
Of the hearty, pro love, red,
And lucky no one to see!

No streets to walk,
No hands to be held,
No places to go,
No heart beat to be felt.

And even if there was happiness,
The distance spoils the sport,
And yet it would have been better,
Miles above the day it is today.

Watching alone the poetic verses,
Scribbling all nonsense that I want,
The melodies of the air irritates me,
Yet its enchanting fragrance keeps me alive.

Love seems to lurk in shadows,
Fearful of the dazzling light,
Someone hit me straight,
Right at the center of my heart!

Still trying to pacify her,
Calm her pesky thoughts,
Still believing there is time,
Moments to remember still.

But this silence devours all,
The hurt of the soul,
The cry of the heart,
And the love above all.

A soft beginning to the day,
A hot ongoing present,
And now waiting for the end,
Hoping it to be...

A day to be special,
A day not only mine,
A day for our love,
Our inconspicuous valentine.

P.S. - Happy Valentine to all.

Do you see?

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 19:35


I'm now all covered in a smile,
Greeting the morn with a grin,
And wishing good night in style.
Do you see the flash of white,
And also return me a smile?

I keep a clean shave now,
Miles from all the dirtiness,
I just don't know how!
Do you see the handsome me,
And silently let out a "wow"?

I'm now more into hollywood,
"Titanic" still the best of all,
But there are others which are good.
Do you see the crazy fan in me,
Thinking this is how everyone should ?

I'll soon be a graduate,
Doing things I always wanted,
Leading my career without hate.
Do you see this slaked soul,
Loving at least some part of my fate?

I've grown somewhat tall,
But not to the height I'd love,
But at least I'm not too small.
Do you see the new grown up boy,
And still measure "how tall"?

I'm no more the quiesce boring boy,
Doing all sorts of nonsense,
I'm not even the robotic toy.
Do you see the wit in me,
And the source of all this joy?

I've become a bit bad too,
With the smoke filling up my lungs,
And the kidney with a pegs too few.
Do you see me deteriorate this way,
And still keep looking at the night's dew?

I've learnt a lot more mischief,
Nothing as compared to what you knew,
And lucky for me none will believe.
Do you see this nettling naughtiness,
And try to kick off my hand in disbelief?

I've become a hell lot responsible,
Taking the burden of my family,
And also the world if it was possible.
Do you see the strength in me,
And the deeds I'm truly capable?

I seem to have become a bit brave,
Loving and traveling without parent's will,
And a few other skills none would crave.
Do you see this lovely valour,
And try to imagine how I could behave?

I write even better today,
Writing in better words and depth,
At least that is what some say.
Do you see the mature me,
Describing every turn of my way?

I've started to love again,
With all my yearning heart,
Even though sometimes in pain.
Do you see me loving someone,
And imagine us together all in vain?

I've see a lot of this cruel life,
Faced moments which are quiet rare,
None of which is the regular march to the fife.
Do you see me face this ungrateful world,
And continue living with a lot of strife?

I've cried many a tears,
My heart has bled a lot too,
When I saw reality cross my fears.
Do you see this hurt inside,
And wished you would have been here?

I've spent many a lonely nights.
Thinking alone, talking alone
In the darkness, beyond the lights.
Do you see this lonesome me,
And wish you could descend from the heights?

I'm enjoying every bit of this,
The uncertainty of moments,
The thrills I did once miss.
Do you see the unsure me,
Living ever moment of the bliss?

I've nearly lost your thought,
Memories just going even more dim,
As I really don't think of you a lot.
Do you see the betrayal I offer to you,
And still smile at what you've got?

But I still miss you everyday,
Those days we spent together,
Moments never meant to stay.
Do you see this lamenting heart,
Begging before you to go away?

When I'm gone...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , , , | Posted on 19:07


 Would you still be mine,
And your crazy love still last?
Or will you be gone in no time?
And disremember me too fast,
Looking ahead to the life too vast?

Would your beautiful eyes still be red,
Would you still yearn for my kiss?
Or will this flare be dead?
Rediscovering a new bliss,
Like you were destined for this?

Would you still think of me,
And the pathetic pranks that I did?
Or will you have a lot more to see?
Go on and think about your kid,
Countless majestic moments to bid?

Would you still miss my voice,
And the cartoon residing in me?
Or will you respond to another choice?
Never thinking what it could be,
Accepting things which could never be?

Would you still treasure my gift,
And the not many pics we took?
Or will your likeness just shift?
And none will be worth a second look,
Like an old read and forgotten book?

Would you still miss my touch,
And the rare time we spent alone?
Or will that be a bit too much?
And better let this not be known,
Like those days were never your own?

Would you still miss moments we never spoke,
And the appologetic chafing silent night?
Or will you abandon this silly bloke?
Who will be a hindrance to your life so bright,
Like the breaking dawn is better than twilight?

Would you still hear to the calls from the train,
And the cute anger when it couldn't be?
Or will these be washed in the next seasoned rain?
And would never even matter to thee,
Like all will be lost and gone with me?

Would you still look up the names we agreed,
And keep me alive through one of those?
Or will they just out run your need?
And bring none of my memories, not even close,
Like those were just names you chose?

Would you still miss my naughtiness,
And the precious punishments I gave?
Or is their worth a bit too less?
And you'll forget all about how I behave,
Like they were never moments to save?

Would you still miss our laugh,
And the reason of smile we shared?
Or will you never relive a life that was half?
And which could not be cared,
Like it was just a challenge you dared?

Would you still wish for my care?
And the nagging obligation to eat?
Or will you accept this defeat?
And never even give me a stare,
Like shying away from confronting life's flare?

Would you still scowl at the days I hurt you,
And the unmanly moments when I did cry?
Or are these reasons too few?
And you will never give it a try,
Like all was fake, all was a lie?

Would you still keep the promise we made?
And the dream of the future we did point?
Or will you forget the words which fade?
And look ahead into the future un-taint,
Like following the spiritualism of a saint?

Would you ever miss my presence in your life?
Would you still rejoice in my love?
Would you still remember how we did strife?
Would you ever miss me, my love,
When I'm gone and look from the skies above?

The lament of a bird

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 18:30


Chirp! Chirp!
No one did heed,
She had to fend alone,
The excruciating pain,
At the loss of her life,
Who had been part,
Of everything they did.

What remains are,
Just countless engrams.

Of the tireless flights,
In the sunny morn,
Or the arduous labour,
To dig a wiggler,
Out of a flinty lawn.

Of the time they spent,
To impress their mate,
And then the nights,
Frigid or snugly,
In their pensile nest.

Of the rhapsodic songs,
Sung in aesthetic spring,
Or when after a playful day,
He pecked off the dirt,
From her inutile wings.

Now what remains is she,
Staring at the alien sky,
Mercilessly asking her to fly,
But her wings won't flutter,
Even if she did try.

The air gets even heavier,
With her mournful songs,
Once filled with love,
Now they just complain,
Against the worldly wrongs.

She rubs against the deceased,
Wishing he be in a dreamless slumber,
Hoping he would rise and skitter across,
The land on which he rests cold,
And soon perform acts of a tumbler.

She looks up to the blue sky,
Might be trying to implore,
Contemplating why she is alive,
When her only love lifeless ahead,
When she has none to live by anymore?

The heavens might have looked,
And could not even shed a tear,
But the wicked beast stares at her,
And he would fancy his chances,
Knowing that lunch could be too near.

Sneaking in the shadows,
The merciless killer crawls,
Closing on its hapless prey,
But she is too lost in grief,
To watch the death that befalls.

He pounces on her,
Eyes full of greed and hunger,
She stares at the roughshod brute,
In anger, disgust and disbelief,
"No, he wouldn't die again, no further!"

She couldn't stop ugly death,
But now saving him was in her hand,
And fate could not be victorious,
She won't let him depart again,
Like elusion of a fistful of sand.

Spanning her piddling wings,
As far she could let it go,
She covers her love's corpse,
As the claws pierce her plumed skin,
Death approaching nice and slow.

She squalls in agony again,
Regretting her move no more,
Feeling the harsh brutality of death,
Reliving what her soul had felt,
Life's cruel and unforgiving roar.

He looks up in pride and honour,
Letting out a boastful meow,
And as he wricked her neck out of shape,
He confronts a peaceful smile,
"Its always good to be back with you"!

Bled and Bleeding

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 04:40


"You don't miss me"!
Someone hit it straight,
I tried to stop it,
But it never could be.

Never knew what it meant,
But it passed and went through,
The heart crashed down,
Hoping it knew why it was sent.

"Yes I don't, not as much",
Was all the bleeding could say,
Not wanting to really heal,
Not without her love touch.

It tried to bleed even more,
Trying to prove itself correct,
Letting go of all the love blood,
Losing everything to the core.

It let itself debilitate,
But it still loved her,
And however hard it tried,
It couldn't retaliate.

No love, no care,
I myself tried to nurture,
But such was its look,
I just couldn't stare.

The body all stained,
So was the mind too,
As I moved about to places,
The red blood just rained!

Flowing to where it could go,
Every bit hoping to run from it,
Still believing it can find her,
Before it gets weak and slow.

Frantically searching still,
How to reach her now?
Next to impossible it is,
Like mounting a steep hill.

But still its barely alive,
The heart still keeps bleeding,
But blood just trickles down,
Seems its end will soon arrive.

Not lost faith in her love,
Still craving for her touch,
A silent word of care,
Just a look of its "dove".

Waiting unabashedly in pain,
Looking up at her in silence,
Hoping to beat once more,
To get back to loving again.

This silence

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 03:20


Just the mobile static to be heard,
A few clicks from her side,
A bit of lyrics from mine.
Sounds crossing states,
Many a official boundaries,
Several still limits of our own.

Some faults of my own,
Some of her own heart,
Some we never know,
Or never try to own up.

Not wanting to comprehend,
Never trying to ask,
Fearing a greater hurt,
Afraid of making this worse.

Giving each other fake hopes,
Hopes of keep smiling still,
When it can't definitely be.
Imagining the smiles,
We still live with the past.

Figuring what she has to say,
I just remain silent,
Never breaking the trance.
She never speaks,
Thinking it'll be worse for me,
Making my sad heart cry.

We keep it to ourselves,
Individuality preferred over "us",
Crying in this silence,
Moaning inside every second,
Cursing ourselves for this,
This silence we have built,
A barrier keeping "us" apart,
Even as we speak,
Being many a miles away.
Science trying to resolve,
But the issue never gets easy,
We still keep it alive,
This stolid block inside,
This silence.

A whisper in the night

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 20:49


Breaking the heavenly shackles,
Braving the flaccid cruel winds,
Under the moon's pale twilight,
She descends to be by my side.
Blaming my loneliness all along,
And a pair of eyes sleep deprived.
Saying she can't stand all this,
My beating heart to bleed and cry!

Her endearing fragrance fills in,
Even the tiniest of the plotting wisp of air,
Even if the flawlessly calm darkness,
Tries hard to mask her long sleek hair,
I feel her imperceptible delicate touch,
Unearthing all her undying love and care.
And even if I am feeling her presence,
I know within, she really can't be here.

I smile at her for the life I have,
Yet guilty to be scared this way,
I moan for this loneliness inside,
I curse myself for staying away.
And as I keep maundering on,
Opening my heart's door way,
I look into her pale tranquil eyes,
Still complaining her for going away.

I'm lost into her glassy eyes,
And she stares unabashedly at me,
I give a disgusted look and say,
"No, no more advices for free".
She forces on a torpid smile,
Like that is what I wanted to see.
And as I feel the cold air go thinner,
I find her floating even closer to me.

I feel the curls in the air,
And an odd chill in my spine.
Her placid lips come closer still,
Speaking a few words divine.
And as a gush of air drifts past me,
I realize those words were not mine.

I turn back to look at her again,
But she had already cast her spell,
I fall deeper into the ocean of sleep,
Murmuring words I wanted to tell.

She looks into the heavenly sky,
Seems she had overstayed her time,
And as tears roll down my hot eyes,
My heart could not be jocund or sublime.

She springs up yet another smile,
And then fades away into a light,
I look around for what she had left,
And this is all I could get in sight,
"A bunch of confused words",
And "a whisper in the night".
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