Darkness

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 18:30

0

Emptiness is all I see,
I'm invisible from every being,
Except the inescapable me.
Seems the darkness in the air,
Welcomes the other dormant evil,
The evil which resides within me,
The darkness within me, inside!

Now is the time to wake up,
To nurture the devil inside,
To look through the fiery eyes,
The thoughts eying for revenge,
As I look upon my guardian,
The darkness for my strength,
When I can strike at their hearts,
Strike with all my power,
To see them quiver and die,
Happy to finally get back at them,
Amidst the darkness of my life.

I slip away conspicuously,
None has a hint of me,
For once I lift my head high,
Happy to live with all my faults,
Glad to escape all my guilts,
And boasting the goodness inside.
While my heart is relieved too,
Darkness masking my dirty blood,
Pumping venom into my veins,
Twisting every inch to someone,
I can't ever dare recognize.
And I still live here in the dark,
Never inquiring if its the truth,
Never daring to ask myself, "why?"

Swinging like a pendulum,
I droop down again,
Hang my head in shame,
The glow of my inner self,
Trying to tear apart the veil.
I close my eyes trying to live,
Relive the darkness inside,
But like the flicker of a candle,
Truth infests the boastful devil.
And I give up the futile run,
Taking the blame again,
Apologizing the dark and the dead,
Washing their wounds with tears,
Enveloped still in the warmth,
And the cold gift of the darkness.

I walk away,
Darkness showing no way,
Seems I'm on my own,
Just like before my birth day.
And I look at the darkness,
Praying to help me still,
"If only I could be one with it,
Living this life in shadows,
Away from all love and pain,
And die without a hint!"

Their dream

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 12:48

4

They were the ones who fought,
They were the ones who wrought,
To see India and its people free,
From the shade of the British-tree,
To enlighten India with the light of literacy,
To jewel India with the riches of alchemy,
To provide India with peace and calmness,
And to bless the Indians with joy and happiness.
They devoted themselves to this Quest,
To make India "Better than the Best".

But have their dreams come true?
To see the Indians on a ship as a single crew?
Comunalism is in its full form,
It only needs a spark to storm,
The leaders have become corrupt,
They only need some time to erupt,
The rich are increasing their wealth,
The poor are losing their health.
There are crimes tomorrow and today,
Due to the unemployment increasing day by day.
This is the state of the Indian age,
Known for its rich cultural heritage.

O Indians, listen to the agonizing call,
And pledge to help unite you all.
Join hands together to work for the common good,
To provide everyone with the minimum food.
Come lets redeem our fault and follow "Their Quest",
And make India "Better than the Best"!

P.S. - This was my view when I was in Class-VIII (i.e. 7 years ago), and I don't see a substantial change yet, though the problems have just taken different forms.

Just die

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 19:22

0

Everything is perfectly normal,
'Cause there are no tears in my eyes!

Just a bit of stinging pain,
At the center of my heart,
Like someone is pressing on,
Trying hard to drive the dagger,
Through this stupid heart of mine,
And waiting for me to die!

There is only a hint of emotion,
Like someone has burnt them all,
And what remains are the ashes,
And a bit of its hateful fragrance,
Which still keeps the heart alive,
Even in pain and then slowly die!

There is also a mindful brain,
Which refuses to be productive,
Scheming against its own master,
Showing nothing but the emptiness,
Stretching my agony to its limit,
Till I give up on it and die!

My eyes searching frantically,
For something it could love,
But all it finds is just darkness,
And the mercilessly ticking clock,
Bringing me away from this life,
And giving me less time to die!

But I endure it all by myself,
The heartless dagger pushing through,
The ashes of emotions full of pain,
The thinking mind in loss of thoughts,
And the searching eyes failing every time,
Sometimes wondering if I even exist!

If no one cares to be with me any way,
Then why to live this life unsupported,
When no one wants me to even survive,
Isn't it better to end it all and just die?

Yet another day

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 19:11

4

An emptiness I can't dare to fight,
Living with unsynchronised heart and mind,
With so much darkness even in this light,
And so I just stand here lost and blind.

Seems I'm lonely even when I'm not,
No one to tell it all or even to talk,
Neither to share my agonizing thought,
Nor someone to accompany me on a walk.

Like all is gone with nothing left,
Someone seemed to have took it all,
But who to blame for this theft,
When I too thought the loses to be small.

I'm short of words to speak out,
Did I really lose my sense to decide?
May be am I wrong in creating this doubt?
Or am I doing it again, just trying to hide?

But there is nothing really wrong,
Its just a feeling which is random,
I can't be always singing a song,
These days will come, though seldom.

Days when nothing could please the heart,
When the heart has stopped, and the mind too,
When the end is unknown, and the so is the start,
When I miss someone, not knowing who?

My sleeping beauty

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 18:04

3

In the middle of the night,
When all fall asleep,
She whispers slowly,
Into my longing ears,
Caring that no one wakes,
Yet confirming to be audible,
And then waiting for a response.

But I remain silent,
Just to hear her speak,
Her words all overlapped,
Meanings all jumbled up,
I get a character or two,
Guessing what it could be?
But no one is clever enough,
So, none to decrypt save she.

Her voice sounds so cute,
Like a stubborn child,
Pretending to cry,
And moaning a bit,
Only to push her way,
Into whatever she wants,
However small may be it.

In a tone so innocent,
Like she could never lie,
Nor could do any wrong,
A voice I could swear,
Is enough to make me love,
And keep listening her to,
Like its from the sky above.

She turns silent again,
I worry she has slept,
But I don't give up hope,
I put my ears closer,
Still trying to hear her,
To hear the voice untrained,
The words left to decipher.
And all I hear is a gush of air,
Dashing against her mobile,
Silently breaking the peace,
I realize that is her breathe,
And seemingly she fell asleep!

And feel a sense of contentment,
Breathing a sigh of relief,
To hear her peacefully sleep,
Away from all the cries,
Giving a rest to herself,
Away from all the troubles,
The harshness of the day,
And also the night's chills.

She is mindful of what she does,
So she pretends to wake up,
And tries hard to speak confidently,
Cursing herself for being sleepy,
Then gradually retracing her steps,
Drowning deeper into the ocean,
Into the wide calmness of her dreams,
Rising and falling again and again,
Like the tides in the ocean of dreams.
Her consciousness advancing and receding,
Like the waves on a sea shore.
Her voice climbing and descending,
Like the slope of the lofty hills.

The one thing that remains standing,
Is herself, and the girl she is,
Which makes me love everything,
Her disappointing sleepiness,
Or her beautiful cute voice,
Or her decision to remain awake,
Even when she has a choice.
Her love is all that works for me,
Helping me notice every tiny detail,
The sound of her silence,
And the warm air she breathes,
The curious unspoken words,
And the languages she speaks.

Suddenly she softly mumbles again,
Like someone had covered her face,
Which made her talks unclear.
Or someone had put a blanket,
Over the fallen dry dead leaves,
And finally finding no other work,
Decides walking over the deceased.
Speaking words she never knew,
In a language she never spoke,
And for moments that were too few.

I do whisper a word or two,
Wanting to see if she is here,
And when I'm sure of it,
I just let her be there.
Trying too hard to imagine,
Unraveling how she does this?
Make me keep loving her,
And even more when she sleeps!
Making me care even more,
As I tend to ask her to sleep,
Even though its not what I want,
But I oblige to her drowsy mind,
And let her sleep without taunt.

Sleeping and dreaming,
Dreaming about chocolates,
Thinking about ice-cream,
But caring and loving too,
Mindful of what I'll do,
With her being asleep,
Like that is also her duty.
That is my sweet princess,
My sleeping beauty!

Let go...A reality...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 19:02

3

Dreamt it to be this way,
Never knew dreams do come true!
Wished we would be forever,
But the wish didn't come through!

She cries, still does,
This moment when I write,
And I blame myself for that,
This guilt I cannot even fight!

Letting go is never easy,
Takes every inch of you to burst,
Left over is a basket of love,
And a little belief, a bit of trust!

Let her smile is all I want,
'Cause I can do the same,
How can I make her understand?
She just takes all of the blame!

Thriving thoughts in a dilemma,
Crying in her silence forever,
How long can I hope it continue?
What if it didn't stop, never?

Pretending to be happy?
Is that happiness for her?
Or caring for every other person?
Is that her destiny forever?

She says she is happy this way!
Seeing one happy, one sad,
And herself she doesn't even care!
Is life going to be so bad?

Then why not let go?
Trusts will definitely break,
So will a few hearts too,
But it'll be at least true, not fake!

Why live the way no one can?
Where no one is happy forever!
A day to laugh out, others to cry,
Which seems could end never!

Letting go of you now,
Live the life guilt free,
And I promise you this,
You'll be happy where you be!

I'll always be by your side,
Watching every step you take,
Walking in the shadows,
That is the life you could make!

And when its about me,
I'm happy like never before,
My friends crowding my view,
Never letting the sadness score!

Move away and throw the guilt,
Where no one could find it,
But while you live to the fullest,
Remember we'll always remain "gits"!

P.S. - Its the sequel to "Let go...".

Lost and Losing

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 17:53

6

Again?
I ask myself.
Trying to believe,
This can't be true!
Fate could be cruel,
Seems situations too!
And I bow down to them,
Submit to their power,
While I see myself here,
Nearly defeated once more!

Not that I didn't fight,
I fought with all I had,
With my undying love,
With the best of my patience,
With most understanding,
But I still stay a loser,
Still fighting it hard!

Success?
I don't even think!
When once lost,
You live in the fear,
Afraid to lose again!
Killing you every moment,
This disgust from inside,
This inabilty to win,
Handicapped as always!

But at least someone can win,
Let them win over fate,
I'll smile at their prize,
Watching at a distance,
Pretending to be surprised!

And while I look at myself,
Standing on the verge,
Of losing yet again,
Nearly defeated twice,
I sit thinking...
If only I could win,
At least win once in my life!

I'll still...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 03:58

6

Move away from me,
Walk down the streets,
Even though not for me,
I'll still live this life!

Throw everything of me,
Throw my heart out if you can,
But you'll stay here with me,
I'll still keep you safe!

However bad you might be,
However people may explain,
However hard you try to,
I'll still never hate you!

Being there when you need,
When you don't expect me,
Even when you are not,
I'll still be with you!

Erase all my writings,
Forget me if you can,
At least I can never do,
I'll still remember you!

Long enough I can do,
Even when I know the future,
Knowing that its just a dream,
I'll still wait for you!

Though the heart wants not to,
It can never hope at least,
'Cause my heart is just with you,
I'll still love you always!

Just nothing

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 21:55

9

I'm ploughing so hard,
To sow seeds of love,
To try and love again,
But all gets washed away,
In the cruel torentious rain!

I'm searching frantically,
To find some hope,
To renew a little faith,
But they remain hidden,
In fear of the truth's bate!

I'm trying really hard,
To look into humour of life,
To just smile once again,
For my mom looking at me,
But all goes down in vain!

I press my small ears,
To my warm strong chest,
To hear the red heart beat,
But there is just one sound,
Sound of the heart's retreat!

I believe I can sleep,
To dream for its sake,
To at least get some hope,
But my eyes never get tired,
Seems its time to get a dope!

I roll my tongue over,
To get some taste,
To enjoy what I eat,
But all I get is water,
Which no taste can beat!

I try to care for myself,
To buckle up for the interview,
To just get a good score,
But I end up caring for none,
As I've stopped caring any more!

There is no love,
'Cause there is no taker!
There are no thoughts,
'Cause none crowd my mind!
There are no emotions,
'Cause none pierce my heart!
There are no prayers,
'Cause I can wish no more!
There are no words,
'Cause I long to hear no more!
There are no dreams,
'Cause I can sleep no more!
There is no hunger,
'Cause I can eat no more!
And there is no me,
'Cause I've life no more!

A big void in me.
Bigger than a black hole,
Darker than the pitch,
Lighter than the feather,
A void greater than ever!

Just nothing!
That is what I feel,
That is what I think,
That is what I love,
That is what I hate,
That is what I do,
That is what I hope,
That is what I hear,
That is, what I am!

Her gift

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 02:35

5

When no place can hold,
The sky is the limit,
And that is all left here.
A sky once with sun shine,
Brings in a cold winter night,
And yet I bask in the ice!
But I walk all alone,
Slowly, dragging on,
Breathing the dust,
Smelling the exhaust.
Marking my steps,
As its easy to retrace.
The view all foggy,
I can't see a thing,
Even in the brightness,
That I hated to be in.
Light illuminates myself,
My outer and inner one,
One which I can't see,
And don't actually want!
So all I'm now trying,
Is hope that I walk,
The seemingly right road!
And so I just move on,
Following others on track,
Trying to get to destiny,
Which is yet unknown.
Always looking around,
To find myself alone,
When I can run away,
When no one knows,
When it hurts no more!

Pushing off the crowd,
Trying to find a way,
Like I had tried it,
All through the day!
Many things to eat,
But I'm not hungry.
Many ways to look,
But I'm in no hurry.
So many people I see,
But none of them matter.
I wonder lifelessly,
At the bubbling fair!
With none to talk to,
With nothing to share!

There is humour,
But I don't smile.
There is sadness,
But I don't cry.
There is no feeling,
My mind is numb,
My lips are sealed,
My heart is silent,
Either none to talk,
Or nothing to say,
Actually cant decide.
So much to think too,
But thoughts elude me,
They never come my way!

Feeling alone again,
After a long time,
Since I fell in love!
As someone had said,
"Love does fall away,
Keeps you lonely!
Neither do you lose it,
Nor do you own it,
Hanging in nowhere,
Trying to find a way back,
Trying to own it again,
Or find a place out,
To lose it all forever!"
And I can do either,
'Cause its all for her,
For her happy face!
But when its today,
I'm alone any way.
But ever basking in love,
Love which I know exist,
Love which is everything,
My existence and extinction!

I don't want to look,
I don't want to read,
I can't see her face,
I can't read her scribes!
I had wished for once,
She was not with me!
For once I wished,
She could go back,
Where she wanted to,
Live her life guilt free!
I wished again and again,
So that I could cry out,
And get over this,
This numbness I'm in!
I wished so much,
That I could just smile,
And show my caring mom,
That I'm still happily alive!

And this is still to end,
A day I'm still stuck in,
A day I better get over with,
A day I shouldn't speak,
A day I'll never forget,
A day I never wanna relieve,
And its not just another day,
A day, supposedly her gift!
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