Hating you!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 20:15

4

"You are great"!
Are you trying to ridicule me?
"What is bad in you?"
Just start counting!
"I'm not that good",
I can't believe that dear!
"I'm bad",
For me you never can be!
Its so simple!
Can't you understand me?

I'm not here to hate you,
So I don't count your mistakes,
I never keep track,
Of the times you've hurt me!
I don't want to point,
To every small mistake,
And see you sad!
Yes, you are correct,
Yes, you can convince me,
But you don't have to,
You just have to spell out,
What ever it may be!
Yes, you can get what you want,
I want that too,
To give you all before you can ask,
Only to see you smiling!
I love you sweetheart,
So I see your love for me,
For love can defeat all,
So I believe in it,
The one thing that I see,
The one thing I crave from you,
For all others will follow!

You have acted bad,
I know when,
Just 'cause I don't say,
Doesn't mean I don't know!
But what is its use?
To think of the past?
To feel dejected?
Something I need to forget!
Something I don't need in my memories!
And that is what I do,
Never look back!

Yes you don't get me every time,
You don't understand,
That should make me think,
You are not the way I wanted,
I've failed to get what I wanted,
"The one" is just not right!
But I don't!
'Cause my heart speaks,
It speaks in favour of you,
And knowing it speaks less,
I give it every thought I can!
If people living with me,
For more than three long years,
Cannot feel me yet,
How can I expect you,
To be correct every time!

Does that hurt you?
Does it hurt, I don't know you?
Does it make you unhappy?
Then let it hurt,
I'll rather hurt you not knowing,
Rather than hurting every time,
When I curse you,
Saying you are mean,
Proving you are bad,
Making you feel guilty!
I can't do that dear,
Whatever you think,
Whatever you believe,
I cant do the impossible,
"Hate you"!

You say,
"I'm bad, I'm mean"!
Doesn't make me feel like a saint!
I've my mistakes I commit,
Things I know are wrong,
Yet I do,
You are too far away,
Even to know that!
I can't explain,
'Cause I don't!
I keep it to me,
Fearing people will get hurt,
Still trying to change,
Every moment, everyday!
At least you say,
What ever it is you have!
Just feel me,
See my plight,
I can't even say,
Not even to you,
Never can...
I'm that way,
Hate me or love me,
I'll change,
Yes,
But over time,
I don't know the deadline!

Worthless me!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 15:20

0

This is the time I hate,
Breaking Dawn!
Not that I hate the light,
Or moan over fresh starts!
But I live in the fear,
The night would be back,
Again sometime later!

It was a disastrous night!
Never thought it to be so!
But it better come today,
Rather than the next May!
Glad she told,
Good I heard,
Great I understood!

Even though it was,
Like a bolt from the blue!
And that was like a shock!
I neither knew this,
Nor could have known
If it was not for today!
And just I had secrets,
So did she,
Just realizing that,
A bit too late!

But the worst part,
Is yet to come forth!
Just felt a lot worthless,
A good for nothing fellow!
Not that it was her fault,
She said what was right,
I really did have a mess,
My head not thinking straight!
She still remembers him,
And I can't help that!
She still misses him,
And yet I'm here far away,
Doing nothing,
Studying and writing!
She feels guilty,
And yet I can't,
Can't make it better!
She cries,
And I can just hear it!
Asking me one question,
Can I ever do something?
I'm living this life,
And that is all I did!
I don't blame her,
Its all about me,
I'm to fix it,
If ever I really can!
I'll try,
And that is the best I can!
No blames,
No curses,
Just simple me!

One thing was crystal clear,
Her feelings,
How she felt when I talk,
Talking things she said!
And realization is something,
A great teacher,
But the lesson was not too good!
Knowing I hurt her,
Made her cry at times,
And things I feel now!
But it just hurts,
She didn't tell me before,
It was all of a sudden,
Something I wasn't prepared,
But what could I do?
I'll still be there, where I am!

And all this was so heavy,
I could hardly bear it!
I tried to shake off,
But it won't go,
I tried to wash it,
But it was stuck.
So I smoked my way out!
Hoping to endure the curse,
Of many a people,
But its all I could do,
Never right I was,
Nor was I in this!

And now when I resume,
I can't match my words!
Things seem so simple,
Like I was just like this,
Made for complications!
So I just stop,
Stop thinking this way!
'Cause all I know is love,
Unlimited love for her,
Love I never knew existed!
I'm there,
Always there,
Standing with her,
Whether to live with her,
Or even, "Let Go",
That is all I know,
And that is all I can do!
Simply, keep loving you!

Being terribly calm...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 20:47

2

My stupid mind,
My non-existent heart,
And hence my silent lips!

This is killing me!
I can't speak,
I can't think,
I can't feel,
I just can't!

I even don't know,
If I even want to write,
And what rubbish I write!

I was actually calm,
Really calm,
I thought all was right,
I was fine!
I still am,
Never seemed better,
At least felt like this,
Like a boy lost,
Lost in his emptiness,
And yet its his life,
Nothing less than great!

'Cause I had a believe,
Days would go away,
Just with the snap,
Of my small fingers!
And yet,
There are many more to go!
And I've lost my sanity,
Thanks to my nature,
My terribly calm nature!

I don't know,
If this all makes sense,
I never wanted to write this,
I wanted a friend,
Someone who can listen,
Listen to all this!
But I dare not bore them!
They'll be terrible at this,
I mean listening this!

I'm stuck!
Stuck like,
Not a "chewing gum",
Definitely not!
There I go again,
And welcome to my calmness,
Where I'm really calm,
And alone,
And lonely,
And yet living,
And I've no idea how,
And I don't know why,
And I've gone mad!

And so,
I better be silent!

But never mind,
I'm doing great,
I'm doing fine,
And please don't bother,
To come up and ask,
Why am I so gone?
I won't answer that!
Yet,
I'm really calm,
But in my own way!

Stairway to ...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 18:15

0

I'm...

Waiting,
Like I never had,
Waiting just to hear you,
That one word of love from you,
The one which means the world to me!

Thinking,
Thinking of you,
All that I have of you,
And all that I will ever have,
All that I will be able to give you!

Crying,
Like a small child,
Without a spot of bother,
What others might think of me,
'Cause its just you who matters to me!

Enjoying,
Trying to do so,
Remain happy always,
That is what I keep on saying,
Doubting if I ever will succeed doing!

Knowing,
Realizing its worse,
Worse for you to be away,
Without a single word from me,
Just like its a nightmare even for me!

Looking,
Watching my mobile,
Its bright light fading away,
Just like every moment disappears,
Every silent moment of my lonesome days!

You...

Smile,
Just keep smiling,
Rejoicing where you are,
I'm waiting, still there only for you,
Waiting for you to come up and speak!

Too far, too close

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 13:58

2

I'm alone,
Writing in my loneliness,
Writing in this dark,
Where no one sees,
No one knows,
Save me!

I miss you, I know!
Too far away from me!
Smiling too sweetly,
But I can't see your smile,
Walking in the rain,
But I can't feel your cold feet,
Looking at this strange world,
But I can't see your wondering eyes,
Your heart racing on,
But I can't hear it beat,
So far away from me,
Many a miles apart!

And yet you are too close,
Closer than you can dream,
Where I can feel you,
Where I can hear you,
Where I can see you,
Every passing moment,
Here, just by my side!
Sneaking in the shadows,
Walking the streets of my heart!
Seems like "you are here",
"Oh no, might be there",
Always making me smile!

Everytime I stare at a girl,
And judge she is cute,
I have a weird feeling,
Like I'm guilty,
Of crime I never knew!
I smile at myself,
"Why did I feel so?"
I turn the other way,
Like I was lost,
And rightly so,
Better lost than being caught!
I smile again and walk away!

My hands moving fast,
My pen even faster,
Notes, notes, notes...
Its high time,
I better study else leave!
Suddenly I pause,
"What am I writing?
A subject I know, fine,
But what else?"
That is something I never did,
Not in my past atleast,
But future will see a lot of it!
I smile yet again,
"Why am I thinking even in class?
At least study here!"
I scold myself!
But this mind never knows,
That my heart is just this,
A bit too small for love!
I continue writing,
"At least I'm writing,
Better than nothing at all!"

Yet not all times the same!
Like the changing seasons,
My heart stays cold,
On days of the frosty cold winds,
But under the burning sun,
My heart melts away!
I can't take it anymore,
Enough of it have I had,
I just want you,
My heart seems too small,
To hold my feelings,
It'll erupt leaving me dead!
I don't care about the world,
I don't care anyone save you,
I just want to see you!
I want to run away,
No matter how foolish I may seem,
Want to run like a child,
And jump into your arms,
And hold you tight!
Like I'm obsessed,
Obsessed with your voice,
Like I'm mad,
Madly in love with you,
Like I'm crazy,
Crazy about you!
I'll hold you like never before,
Where I can feel your touch,
When I can touch you,
Where I can feel your love,
When I can love you,
Where I can always smile,
When I can make you smile!

And then your own presence,
Like you are omnipresent,
Your aura all around me!
And like the rains,
Washing away my tears,
With your own!
I can feel your love,
Warming my heart,
Making me smile once more,
Making me write,
And always smiling,
Trying to calm me,
Trying to say,
"I'm there, dear,
I'm there only for you,
Why do you fear?"

And yes,
I think with a bigger smile,
"She is, obviously,
She is at least in my life!
What would I've done,
If, if she was not,
Now at least she is with me,
What if not with me now?
What if I can't see her everyday?
I can at least feel her with me!
What if I cant kiss her today?
I can do that any ways!
What if I cant hold her right now?
I'll hold her for the life!
What if I cant see her smile?
I can at least be a reason for it!
What if I she is not with me now?
We have still a lifetime!
I can call her my own,
I can say she is mine,
And she ever will be,
I can shout at the top of my voice,
"I love you",
And she'll not even mind,
Just give a cute smile,
And reply....."....

Aimless poetry for you

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 19:54

2

Its for you, only you,
You are all over me weighing over a ton,
The source of every small thought,
The tip of every feeling's horizon.

I know its a fresh wound,
And I'm definitely not icing it!
Writing like some psychic power drives me,
Drives me towards thee!

I will get around this,
I hope as I know,
Its just that the thoughts are so strong,
I just wonder which seeds you did sow!

I'm not trying to reason out,
'Cause my mind has stopped doing so,
Something I shouldn't cherish,
But I thank my mind for this no show!

Its quiet dramatic what I feel,
Strange enough for me to feel,
I see your face pop up everywhere,
Seeming to break my heart of steel!

I never found myself so helpless,
Wanting for support,
A day has nearly passed,
Making me realize this is no sport!

Seems actually a lot strange,
I'm not falling short of word,
'Cause expressing hasn't been my past,
And in this I always act like a nerd!

I know what I write,
But don't know if it makes sense!
Ya, that is right, the sense after all,
That seems like some ancient past tense!

Its fine, I've began this,
But I definitely know not its end,
'Cause I write so aimlessly,
Following none of my known trends!

And so, when I seem to finish this,
I see you still smiling at me,
As if calling on to continue,
Continue just for the sake of thee!
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