I fell in love - 5 (The aftermath)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 20:01

2

The blunder was done,
The shot was fired,
The hit was confirmed,
The shooter was tired!

To her I seemed a grotesque creature,
A creature which is heartless,
Or if it does have a leaden heart,
Its nearly impossible to access!

But I did have a heart,
A heart which broke days ago!
When I left behind some luxuries,
Love, that is what I did forgo!

Mere infatuation, is what I thought,
That could never compare to love's height!
Yet, I had a void inside me,
That even I couldn't hope to fight!

I cursed myself for being the devil,
What right had I to break her heart?
Why at all did I play such a game?
Why did I meet and then moved apart?

Was it not best I had said no before?
Why to make someone dream?
Why did I have little love?
Why did I have to ream?

One after the other like some ghost,
They were coming back to me,
Haunting me day and night,
Like I had choose this destiny!

Once which seemed to be noble,
Now looked like a deadly mistake!
Once which seemed to be the truth,
Now appeared a complete fake!

Truth or destiny didn't matter to her,
All she knew was love till infinity!
As she stood there, ready to give it all,
I seemed to be bound by destiny!

Tears had become her best friends,
She wanted me so much,
Wanted me in her life,
Yet I was the only one out of touch!

She dreamt of the two days' love,
Reading my messages again,
No matter how hard she tried not to,
She could smell love even in that pain!

She tried to convince her heart,
"Everything is for the best of me"!
And I could only bring in some trouble,
For we were never meant to be!

But she didn't care,
Problems are to come and go,
And even if I bring in disaster,
Let it be so!

"Why would he love me?
What is there in me?
I fell in love with a reason!
For him what can it be?"

The world looked so unreal!
Crying every waking hour,
She now believed in sorrow,
Happiness seemed a bit too far!

She reasoned, "If I can love him,
It shouldn't be, if he loves me,
I'll just keep loving him,
And leave the rest to destiny!"

But every minute she was aware,
How much she wanted me,
And be 'the one' of my life,
She wanted to be my destiny!

She tried to find,
If I was even thinking about her,
But no hints did I leave for her,
Only my deadly silence did she incur!

And as days passed by,
I felt it more and more,
A deep void within me,
From my heart's rim to its core!

My life had become a question,
And questions were all I could see,
Blinding anything else,
Was its answer, it was 'she'!

But I couldn't simply go back,
And hurt her again,
I hoped she had moved on,
She was done with the pain!

So I killed my desires,
Slaughtered every bit of it,
And was living on,
Trying to make this a habit!

Believing I had lost her forever,
Someone who could be my life!
Now its just like some dream,
As I march again to the tune of the fife!


Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feedbacks. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

You miss...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 17:30

0

You miss a lot!
You miss things I have,
You miss the things many have!

You miss a reason to be alive,
Even in the worst of the situations!
When you know you are losing,
When you lose hope of revival,
You still have the courage to go on,
'Cause someone always inspires you,
Someone is always watching your back!

You miss the feeling of being special!
You miss the feeling of being wanted,
A feeling of being "most precious",
'Cause there is no one who craves for you!
You miss someone who'll want you for their life,
Someone whom you can care all life,
Someone who “IS” your life!

You count no one other than you,
'Cause you have always thought of "me",
Things only about and around you!
'Cause you miss the feeling of "we'!
You miss being a part of someone,
You miss making someone a part of you,
And so your plans of life is only about you!

You miss the feeling of being responsible!
Though you might have been trusted in your life,
Might have been a trusted leader of all times!
But you miss being trusted with the biggest treasure,
You miss the trust which is the toughest to earn,
You miss being trusted with someone's heart!
And I'm sure you miss that pride!

You might have many faces in this hypocrite world,
But you do have a true self you might not know!
But who is there to know you?
You miss someone who can confide to all your secrets,
Someone who can know all about you,
Someone who can tell every face of yours apart,
And then give you the right face to live!

At times of hardships and tensions,
When you just need some rest,
When you just need to stay away,
You miss a place of solace,
You miss a place you can find peace,
You miss a place where you can smile,
Never thinking of what is the present or past!

Life presents an empty mind,
A mind which wants to wander like a gypsy,
A mind which has nothing else to do!
You miss filling that emptiness with someone,
You miss ageing your self in a smile,
You miss a big reason to dream,
A dream you'll always wish were true!

I missed them,
Not knowing I ever did!
Such is its misery!
You just miss them not having a clue!
You miss that someone special,
Who could lighten your life,
Fill your life with colour!
Who could make what you really are,
Getting the best of you!
Who could just make you fall in love,
That is what you miss when you are not in love,
And you are still missing that,
Its you, you, and you!

I fell in love - 4 (The blunder)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 09:43

0

Love grew a day older,
And things were never the same again!
"Beauty is not for ever",
So, I'm always ready for exiguous pain!

Those smiles, that feeling,
"I love her", I said to myself,
'Cause the thought of being loved,
Was often a bit more than love itself!

I knew I loved her,
At least that is what I thought,
'Cause I was confused yet!
Might be I was thinking a lot!

Did I say yes 'cause she asked that?
Or did I just take her for granted?
Did I say yes 'cause there was no one else?
Or a girl friend, that was what I wanted?

'Cause this was love!
And I believe in an ethical head!
And before I hurt her feelings,
I would rather be dead!

I'm nearly a no one!
I might be a munificent boy,
But she could find so many with elans,
Find so much more love, care and joy!

Again I thought!
Does she really love me?
It was not even a month!
And she fell in love so easily?

I should feel so much more!
I'm not like 'it' should be!
I definitely lack the verve!
Love still eludes me!

I had a long broody silence,
Which never seemed to end,
Even with her mellifluous voice,
My anxiousness couldn't be mend!

And when I couldn't take my irksomeness,
I decided to speak up!
And I said "No" to her love and care,
Just like a bloody heartless pup!

She was shattered!
Not that I had expected any less!
I could hear her drawling voice,
As she saw herself falling in a mess!

She tried to convince, I was mistaken!
'Cause it was too bad too be true!
I could feel her inner self choked,
With this sudden bolt from the blue!

She felt numb!
She couldn't hear even a bit,
Other than my "I can't give in",
None of my other words had a hit!

Her brain was shutting down every second!
She just heard me say!
She was unemotional!
For her it was happening anyway!

Then all of a sudden it struck!
"Its over", "that is it"!
This was how it had to end,
Her relation with some 'git'!

Her eyes turned red,
She had become inexorable!
And if I would have been there,
She would have hit me with a table!

She was revengeful,
Her wrath knew no bound,
She was hating me,
Her love that she had found!

But as time ticked, she did contrite,
Now blaming not me,
But herself, to be so vile,
"This was never meant to be!"

Thought she had forced me in,
Love, she made me do that!
When we could ever stay that way,
With our long and cute chat!

There I was, trying to be truthful,
Wanting to be ethical,
As I too realised what I just did!
How could I be so brutal?

All I had to do was done!
All I had to say was said,
Yet something was killing me,
Trying to want me dead!

Well, 'it was over'!
No second thought could change that!
'Cause even if I wanted to,
How the hell would I do that?

Twists and turns, is my life's story,
So, my heart yet again went for a toss!
And I did lose her after all,
As I sat thinking of her loss!


Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feedbacks. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 3 (The proposal)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 16:33

2

It felt like nothing could go wrong,
We were making a run for the eternity,
Yet situations have to be changing,
Love lurked in time's vicinity!

It was on the sixth, I suppose,
That I mentioned 'her' name,
Failing to see something unnatural,
That she had fallen for me and my fame!

I seemed to be thinking about 'her',
Trying to make out how 'she' felt,
Speaking of my fears and dilemma,
And given this, how she would have dealt!

I actually wanted to confide to her,
'Cause I felt like it,
'Cause she was a girl too,
And could have helped me a bit!

She did speak a lot,
She gave me a helping hand,
But she was hinting herself out,
Only I was too dumb to understand!

Yet secrets pop out now and then,
And I realised it a bit late,
When she logged out suddenly,
'Cause that was one thing she would hate!

I was still a fool,
'Cause I didn't rethink what she said,
If and only if I had a little brain,
If, if only once had I read!

But don't think me as an idiot!
I realised I did hurt her,
So, I did get myself drunk,
But just one peg, not any further!

And I made her realise,
She was among the best,
A friend who is meant to be precious,
Among those on my friendship's crest!

The next day, seventh march, followed,
The sun blazing down,
And I feeling dizzy in the afternoon,
While still in my sleeping gown!

"I didn't sleep well",
I was of course to be accused,
And even though I saw the obvious,
Yet to accept, again I refused!

Trying to make her feel better,
I confessed I was wrong!
And she gave her elaborate views,
Which meant it made her a bit strong!

I scribbled my thoughts on love,
What I would want!
Some which I believe in,
And some other which I flaunt!

I realised something is not well,
As she said it too,
"I'm not myself today",
And I realised that anew!

I finally spelt the 'L' word,
"Are you in love?", I asked.
She never denied, and not happy about it,
'Cause her sadness was always unmasked!

I for once jumped with joy,
Nearly convinced, its me!
"Some want to take friendship to the next level"!
My senses felt dead like a tree!

I was trying to prove myself!
Trying to feel if its true,
Make her say a little more,
And at least get some clue!

So I kept on inspiring her,
Pleading, she won't be refused,
'Cause I lived in fear of losing her,
Also 'cause I was confused!

She had her share of fears,
Fears that I would eventually go back,
Scared that I could never be hers'!
That I've already marked my track!

This is what she believed,
"I can't risk rocking the boat"!
And even when she was about to say,
The 'love' word stuck down her throat!

In fact we both were the same,
Same fears of the losing tear,
Though I was a bit too silent,
That she wasn't even able to hear!

And she was right,
I was definitely a git!
"Its a guy's job to propose"!
'Propose'? That I was never gonna hit!

Finally much like the "Johny Bravo",
She showed extraordinary courage,
It was I who rocked her world!
I who gave her this killing entourage!

I let out, "WOW"!
"I was after all right then",
I had fallen for her too,
I just didn't know from when?

I said the words she wanted to,
That she had waited for three weeks,
"I love you", I was still in smiles!
Was still shouting like freaks!

I loved her, I really did!
Someone growing so special to me!
I finally fell in love again!
And even to this degree!

She was mine!
The girl, rare, crazy and cute,
And she loved me too,
Finally settled without dispute!


Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feed backs. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 2 (Being friends)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 22:19

0

A day passed,
And I did send her my creation!
Then waiting for her,
Waiting for her reaction!

She finally resurfaced,
And I thought it would be the last!
It was always meant to be!
For today I had to deal with my past!

A past I still couldn't lose,
A past chasing me still,
A past I could never beat,
With or without skill!

A past which shocked her,
Which could never be left alone,
A past she couldn't believe,
And definitely from an unknown!

But I was being trusted,
My fears were proved wrong!
'Cause of what followed!
'Cause of what I didn't see for long!

A girl wrote for me,
And cried for a reason too!
I was overwhelmed,
'Cause she was among the rare few!

A few many who knew my past,
Still few who would understand,
Fewer who could support me,
But none who could hold my hand!

And so it went on,
Facing each other everyday,
With many things to discover,
And much more to say!

Talking about friends and relations,
Supporting the other in times of stress!
I believed my thought were good,
But seriously her views were no less!

We smiled through the day,
Laughed away our nights,
Speaking things only we knew,
With a little love and some petty fights!

She was intelligent,
She was cute,
She was a really a rare girl,
And that believe held no dispute!

So I tried to hold on,
I pledged to be at her side,
For I had seen many betrayals,
Yes, I already have had a bumpy ride!

With missed calls spilled through the day,
Trying to build a new clan,
Sneaking one's way into the others' life,
That is how our friendship began!

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 1 (First talk)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 17:31

0

Weeks have passed,
Months have too!
The year stares down at us,
Wishing that it be true!

Friends stay surprised,
Strangers cant believe,
Our story seems a bit different!
Among others, and to me!

Life is strange,
Don't know what it may give,
Don't know what future has in store,
So, in hope of a new surprise I live!

Had been in school,
But never seemed to notice,
And even after four years were gone,
We still got a reason to kiss!

What went wrong I can't tell!
How we connected surprised me!
That too even on first day!
And that too so effortlessly!

Yes, she was great,
Like she was never any less!
And I was just myself,
Like always, just a mess!

We did meet and hit it off!
And that too on net,
Meeting on seventeenth of March,
And in doing so, I had no regret!

I took it as a casual hello,
I didn't think it'll be that long!
Just a few moments of bliss,
And then life would just go on...

And I was nearly there, at end,
The lights were beginning to fade away...
Then came my saviour,
Poem? She was interested right away!

That was 'cause she wrote,
And I honour her for that!
But when writing a poem,
Her pen seemed a bit too fat!

Now that was not the end,
She opened up a lot!
"Like I had never before",
That was her thought!

She said a lot,
Her mind looked good!
Just a bit tired,
Not meaning to be rude!

But one thing I knew,
She was a thinking girl,
With elaborate views,
And lots of grey curl!

There was I smiling alone,
And then again back to life,
To the 'my' real world,
Marching to the tune of the fife!

Intro

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 17:22

0

The poem which I'm going to post next is about my personal life. Its about... well you can see it for yourself! Enjoy...

Unlucky me

Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 03:34

0

I don't get what I want,
That is common, one can say,
None gets the way he likes,
But to lose is also unlucky!

I can't love my lover,
For I love my love,
But she never knows,
And then always in tears,
For my deeds of truth.

Never thought of this,
Never felt so important,
But no response to importance,
Because I want to be myself,
Not made into someone else.

I am what I am,
Good or bad,
I love to be this way,
To be a bit different;
Hate me or love me for it!

But then every thing is fine!
Where is the unlucky boy?
And here one misses,
This is what hurts!

To be known as someone else,
To be loved, when I'm not worth it,
To be hated, when I'm not due.
Tired of tears,
Exhausted in fears,
Fears of my own,
Regrets of myself,
Thoughts of my future,
Regrets of my past!

And unlucky me?
I've to laugh out sorrow,
Speak out silence,
Crowd my loneliness,
Be honest over hypocrisy,
Live over being dead!

Do nothing, I wish,
A little unlucky,
But only a bit!

You and none

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 18:35

0

Now I know what I miss,
What were you to me?
Now I do understand,
That I had ever opened up to you,
I lack that now.
Every word runs riot in me,
Every corner a fierce battle,
But no results,
Only some never healing scars,
Which breaths of my relentless struggle!

But,
If only you were with me!
To calm me,
To soothe me,
To only give me a patient ear!
U were a great asset to me,
A building block of myself.

Not that there is no one with me,
But no one 'like' you!
All are too busy, too materialistic,
Quiet lost their soul.
Now only a shell remains,
Shell of falsehood, of love, of care,
Yes, there is love,
There is love in obsession,
And this is what is killing them,
Destroying their true identity,
All turning to hypocrites!

And what surprises me the most,
Is there is absolutely none,
Who could guide them,
Make them understand the true meaning of life,
And how to live it!

Ignorance is so much prevalent,
It looks almost impossible.
Yes there are some serious,
But they remain within themselves,
And there is the best who are trapped!

And though I have kept myself intact,
It might just be enough for me!
For I'm just accumulating myself,
And when my capacity ends,
I would burst then I don't know.
And this is where I had faith in you,
And now you are....gone...
So None.....

Near end

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 12:38

0

I'm already on the move,
Near to the first halt
Of my brain's travel,
To taste the real salt!

Pressure is being built,
While days are running on,
And there is neither time for leisure,
Nor to think when I was born!

The jumps are over,
No hours wasted for these things,
And while we have a burden to carry on,
We seemed to be cut off of our wings!

Its the high tide,
After more than ten years of low!
So now that so far we've come,
There is no use to get slow!

With even thoughts of slowing down,
We could be washed away,
Lamenting later would do no good,
So while the sun shines, make the hay!

But in this metro life,
Let not the lively humour,
Dry out in the fatal heat
Of the countless nervous rumour!

End your time with your travellers,
With the last jump,
Not to regret for emptiness,
But keep with you these memories' lump!

For these would make us remember,
Of our bold courage,
For once lost,
It'll never be back all our age!

It might be the end of groups,
The last of some relations,
So lets get one as much as we can,
And sit on a bench of the station.

Till the moment we are picked,
When the right train arrives,
But till then,
Let our oneness thrive!

Can't understand

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 13:48

0

I don't know what comet struck?
What asteroid fell?
What changed my climate?

I've fallen into this land...
Some people unknown,
Changed their forms so grey
That I can't understand!

Someone whom I knew so much,
Is just lost from touch,
Lost without trace.

And don't just think...
I was the one into the pit...
We both had promised...
But now that is what stinks!

Ruined towards hell...
That is my feeling!
Why didn't I look around...
There were many to be found...

Many to take my mistake,
And that is what I think,
If I'm needed now...
Even four years later,
Don't be flattered...
But yours would have been any day!

Yet may be I understand!
I was young,
Thinking of today,
Thinking of the moment just begun!

Now I hate her!
And for my life she would ever be a poison,
Not in my life,
But in my heart's corner,
Which once was filled with the honey of love!

Now just let her come,
And I swear...
She'll regret the day,
Let not it be true,
For her sake hope & pray,
For if its it.....
You'll never would love me...
For what I'll do...
Well now just don't misunderstand me!


P.S. - This is based on a girl, whom I considered one of my best friends, friends who are to be for a lifetime! But I don't know what happened to our friendship, her life turned out in such a way, that... That was the end of us!

Where?

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 19:55

0

Its a lost game we are trying to win!
A game originally lost months back!
Lost in the burden,
Lost in the race,
Lost in the caravans of tension!

Those tickle, those deeds,
Those unkindly laughs,
That unmeasured happiness,
Those naughty pranks,
The unreal dreams,
All - Dark and dead!

And which would never come back to life,
To tickle us once again,
To bring back our smiles,
And the only thing we have...
The diminishing and deadening shadow of the past!
And while we try to relieve us,
To rediscover those days,
We are mindful of the air we breathe!

And this is what kills me,
Every day, each moment!
A sense of being alone,
Reaching the highest peak.
And yet stand aloof!
None by me too-
Distant from everyone,
Every feeling, every person!

I know there is no retrieve,
From what I am now,
No thinking back,
I have come too far off!
And so have others gone,
Gone on their way,
To live a lifeless life!

Like a Rose without its petals!

Like a Sun without its shine!

A day unknown!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 12:11

0

Its weird how I feel so!
What do I miss now?
Some knotty feelings,
Some void thoughts!
Don't know what is wrong?
These forlorn feelings killing me!
And on that I have no valid reason!
My mind seems to be blocked,
The fog is too dense to penetrate!
I search for a twig,
Which could give me some hope,
Hope for surviving this torturous hour!

This irritation knows no end!
Nothing seems to calm me!
Everyone is so distanced,
Even on this day!
On a day we vow to trust and care,
I find myself wanting it!
Why can't I find someone by my side!
To talk to,
To share his thoughts,
'Cause thoughts I have none,
My brain is on strike!

My eyes hinting sleep!
My body wanting to go on,
My heart is nonplussed!
Thinks this'll just pass on!

I need her now!
She is gone!
I can't see her,
The fog still exists,
My vision is restricted!
I hope I didn't lose her yet,
No I haven't!
She must be somewhere,
In her world of dreams,
Probably dreaming of.....
Best left to her!

Why is it so bad?
I don't know!
Why did it happen?
I can't guess!
When will it end?
I have no idea!
Why am I even writing this?
Where I have no interest!

Sleep, my best friend!
That is whom I trust the most!
And so I turn to him again,
When all others desert me!
When its only me,
Walking these fiery streets!
Burning my feet,
Making them red!

This is what I called fate,
Someday I have all I want,
The next I find myself alone!
Just me...
Only me...


P.S. - This is a poem I wrote last night, the night full of celebrations of 'Friendship Day'! And yet this weird feeling crept into me, from the loneliness that I was in, because all my friends had went off for drinking and stuff, and I was left alone!

My Greatest Loss

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 20:37

0

Thoughts & tears,
The losing fears...
And they've come true!
Really, really, indeed true!
And what I lost?
What it did cost?
None, but I knew,
For there were only a few
To understand me,
To feel what I could I see,
To really see my heart ache,
To know its real, not fake!
But what does tears mean?
On what base do these fear lean?
What is lost is gone.....
What is lost can never come back!
And from hence should I lack...
The sweet words, the soft touch...
(Which, I though strong couldn't clutch)...
The beauty which I admired..
Those walks of which I was never tired...
The laugh which gave a loose to my soul...
Those jokes in which I'd roll...
But where have they gone?
Making my life a barren lawn,
Who's grasses are cut short,
And from hence it is bleeding hot...
Hot in the memories of the loss...
Who's importance no one can ever cross...

Intro to 'My Greatest Loss'

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 19:41

0

This is one poem which has a real sad and unbelievable history! And since its best that I bury those parts of my life which cause immense pain, so I'll not describe it all, but I'll say this much that its a poem dedicated to the girl I loved with all my heart and whom I lost to fate! No use crying over her loss or thinking about her any more, because who is gone is never going to come back! But somewhere, at some corner of my heart I still feel her sometimes, I still miss her sometimes, and I still love her! So here it is, "My Greatest Loss"!
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