Account - 5th October and forever

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 08:50


Walking down the streets,
A confident girl comes in,
Dressed in valour and blue,
Quiet a day about to begin!
Sweetness dripping down,
Excitement growing still,
Emotions all over her face,
Need no colours to fill!

A situation to adapt,
A few steps to match,
A lot to speak up,
And a few words to catch!
He had planned a lot,
But leaves it to her,
"Now its to the hotel",
Hope she plans forever!

Two souls together,
No one else to say,
Is it really a reality?
Or just his mind's off day?
Doors all closed,
The curtains drawn out,
A chewing gum got stuck?
Or a perfume he can't live without?

This love they know,
Is forever to stay,
Arms wrapped around,
Never lets them part away!
Their hands in hand,
Just feeling the touch,
"I love you",
A phrase can mean so much?

Their faces cross,
Eyes go blind,
There goes the kiss,
Hope none did mind?
A little warm touch,
A bit of moist air,
A lovely union of two,
Among a few fallen hair!

Too much to say?
Put that in writing,
A born saviour for them,
When all go down fighting!
But when she is around,
Reading is not a cake walk too,
'Cause concentration keeps falling,
Ranging from none to a few!

A bit of mischief,
A bit of kiss,
And lots of love,
That none could miss!
A bit of anger,
A bit of doubt,
And lots of fun,
To be busy throughout!

A bit of laziness,
A bit of bravery,
And lots of freedom,
'Cause there is no slavery!
A bit of surprise,
A bit of pleasure,
And a lot to keep busy,
With no time for leisure!

A bit of smell,
A bit of touch,
And a lots of care,
That it seemed too much!
A bit of moaning,
A bit of tears,
And a lots to smile,
Without the fears!

A feeling of happiness,
A sense of relief,
And such were the things,
That its difficult to believe!
They just wanted happiness,
They didn't want any money,
The only thing they craved for,
Was each others company!

Two days was all they got,
Fifteen hours to be precise,
Where even fifteen lifetimes,
They wouldn't despise!
But at least they care,
Keep loving each other,
Moving towards the future,
Taking some steps further!

Heavy shoulders,
Paining lips,
A cramped back,
And tired hips!
The close up smile,
The watery eyes,
A stream of feelings,
That never dries!

A few heart breaks,
Some consolations,
And a lots of promises,
Without confirmations!
He'll come back,
He definitely will,
Else how could he survive,
While he loves her still!

So they part again,
But in the physical sense.
They'll still be together,
In the past and future tense!
I hope they meet again,
I'm waiting for the account,
To write a poem for you all,
For the handful I can count!

The lost girl

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 18:16


She looks lost,
Her big eyes wonder,
They steer round,
Surfing the square,
The new market square,
Trying to think,
"What is next?"
Wearing a disgusted look,
On her defeated face,
Like a small child,
Who just lost her toy!

Dressed in green,
Her loose top,
Making her look fat!
Her blue denim,
Touching the ground.
Her black belt,
Hanging from her waist.
And her high heels.
Complementing her well.
She wears a bag,
Carries it rather reluctantly,
A small piece of cloth,
Hanging from it,
Betraying her secrecy.

She looks again,
With overturned lips,
But this time in anger,
Looking jealous of people,
Of those who are walking,
Moving confidently,
Knowing their line of action.
'Cause she is lost,
She is really lost!
Why is this?
Why is she lost?
She hates her even more,
And her face tells it all!

She walks hesitantly,
Walks towards the cones,
The ice cream cones!
She tilts her head left,
Stares at the hoarding,
Trying to decide,
She couldn't still,
And now she does.
She turns around,
Walks opposite to it,
Walks towards the tailor.
She turns again,
This time to her left,
Moves further forward,
Stops near a tiny lane.
She seems to search,
Search something,
Even she can't decide.

She stares down the lane,
Biting her lower lip,
She looks again,
Taking her hand up,
To kiss her chin,
Which moves slowly up,
Goes up to her lips,
Wetting her finger,
And suddenly comes down.
She walks down the lane,
She seems confident,
After ages of confusion!

She goes up to a man.
A man dressed,
Rather wrapped in cloth,
Huge untidy beard,
Grey, not 'cause of age,
But 'cause of the dust.
He seems too puzzled,
But looks expectantly,
With pleading brown eyes,
His lips trying to move,
But his voice choked out.
She pulls a cloth,
The one that hung out.
Its a silky scarf,
But a hell lot long,
And presents it to him,
He doesn't think,
Just extends his hands,
And takes it,
Then inspecting it,
What use could it be?
He seems happy,
Having found something,
He turns around,
Walks out of scene.

She returns,
Goes back to the tailor,
Seemingly content!
Did she want that?
To dispose off her cloth?
But there was this strange,
Happy face when she gave it,
It was more than disposing,
That is donating!
And I loved that look!

She unzips her bag,
Pulls out something,
A cloth to be precise,
And a long one too!
Seems to be a saree.
I don't contemplate,
Their is no use,
Her deeds are strange,
And let it be so!
I just look on her,
Watch her strangled,
In the loop of silk.
She twists and turns,
Unwrapping herself,
I just give a smile.
Finally she gets done,
A bit of negotiations,
And all is settled.

Now its scary,
She is walking,
Walking towards me,
And I keep staring,
Watch her move,
Her hair locks swaying,
Her eyes still wandering,
This time in curiosity!
And she looks,
She looks straight,
Right into my eyes.
I should back off,
But I don't.
I look at her,
With a pleading smile,
Trying to ask more,
Where does she go?
Why does she go?
Why do I look at her?

She smiles,
Smiles sweetly at me,
Trying to say,
"Poor boy, curious!"
And walks away,
I want to follow,
And I would,
If only I could!
Lots to worry about,
I move away,
Away from her way,
Looking at her,
As she withers away.

Everything is you

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 04:31


Traveling alone,
My mind seems so heavy,
Yet my heart is not!
My brain has a lots to think,
Be it the unsure future,
Or the mournful past!
But my heart is not my own,
I've given up its possession,
It now rests in peace and love,
Its with someone I trust!

I look out in the dark,
No sight seems familiar,
Only a face that haunts me,
One cute face I'm afraid of,
Not for the fear of the loss,
But 'cause I miss that face,
And I cant miss it more,
I've cried a lot,
And I don't want to cry more.

This scorching heat!
I'm sweating like a horse,
And smelling like a pig
Yet your words make me smile,
Your voice cools me down,
I forget all my world,
And I think of you,

And if I write,
Which I do often do,
Its only for you!
'Cause I cant say anything more,
I write what I think,
I spell what I believe,
And my thoughts are you,
You are the one I believe!

The hills I see,
The wind I feel,
The tunnels I cross,
I don't know how?
But make me remember you!

Some one reads the "New moon",
And you love it,
Someone is speaking out,
And you are just like it,
Someone said it correct,
"The world is as you see"!
And in the hope of seeing you,
In the wish of loving you,
Everything seems you!

I fell in love - 6 (Proposal revisited)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 21:46


She was off to her exam,
I wished her good luck,
But there was something else,
Something else stuck!

I wanted to say some more,
Only just a few,
A feeling I can't spell out,
Feeling I had discovered anew!

I couldn't fathom my heart,
I couldn't read my mind,
Was I missing something?
That was an answer I didn't find!

Or rather I didn't want to,
'Cause all was so bloody fair,
And yet I didn't want to see,
Like I didn't even care!

I always waited for her calls,
To see the mobile flash,
And I would smile so big,
Like on my birthday bash!

I would send her a message,
And then just sit quiet,
Waiting for her to write back,
That is, if she might!

And what made me happy,
She was writing it just for me,
Meant only for me,
And that felt real lucky!

But then, someone stabbed my heart,
And pushed the dagger as far as it goes,
Stop it, Stop it, I cried out for help,
But who else knows?

I'm the one burning in this hell,
And I'm the devil too,
A devil asking for help?
That is too good to be true!

And I cursed and cursed,
I felt I would lose it,
How in the world would I confront her,
She would revolt, her every bit!

That is what I feared,
Her revolting to me,
She had moved on,
She had accepted it her destiny!

And what if I'm an idiot?
What if again I screwed up?
Even if I was sure,
Yet, what if not?

But suddenly on sixth,
Things spun out of control,
Neither my mind was in order,
Nor was my soul!

The past, present and the future,
All seemed to be pointless,
'Cause it was all due to me,
I was to be cursed for this mess!

It was time for me to realize,
Or rather accept,
She had definitely come close,
Closer than I did ever expect!

And when ever I heard her,
There was a lot that I did miss,
Like I wanted so much more,
I wanted her love, her kiss!

It was all so weird,
I lived in this fear,
To lose her again,
Afraid of calling her "dear"!

Every moment went by,
And I felt closer to her,
And even if I didn't try,
I fell more and more for her!

Her ever sweet voice,
Her strange soothing word,
Her casual laugh,
Just like a free bird!

I thought of keep living like this,
But I couldn't,
I wanted to speak my heart out to her,
And yet I didn't!

What resisting force was it?
'Cause I knew she loved me,
And yet I was afraid,
"Scared of losing thee"!

Missed you in every half hour,
No one did I miss more,
You seemed so far,
But never gone from my heart's core!

I did think of saying it,
And she did come online,
But yet I remained a git,
Still pretending everything was fine!

"Nothing is good between us",
"I'll kill you",she did say!
"Everything is good between us,
At least its us today"!

And just as she was about to go,
I stopped her there,
Don't know why I did so,
And said with a bit of fear,

"Just after seventh April,
I just wanted to say I love you,
Without going into its depth,
And now that I've gone too much deep,
I fear to say those same words,

The answer was quick and expected,

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

Lucky Me....

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 20:13


Well, going by train,
And if U were a boy,
What would excite U?
Yes that is it!

Small by age,
But of course not a sage,
Yet quiet like it,
With the innocence, purity & all that shit!
But I like it,
Not that I'm so,
Yet who could resist that bit?

Like a blank board ready to be scribbled,
Like an empty porch,
Where ever U can sit!
Like a blank verse...
U can make it rhyme!
Like the worlds in your hands,
Do as U like.....anytime!


For those who know me,
They know my rhymes!
A tight lipped fellow...
And for some a pure Buffalo...
Do not know what to say & when!
Hence just gave some glances,
But not more than nine or ten!
Oh yes, and the words I say...
"There",..."That way"...!

And some more things to go,
The same old swing,
Like a flight with half-wings!
And with the age old creaks,
Made me swear to a few fictitious freaks!

And talking of freaks...
They are all about you,
Perfect... very few!
Some have attitude!
Some with a heavy heart!
While some have everything...
From which they cant part!

You get to see all types here!
Some short, some sweet...
Some reaching above six feet!
Some bubbling with joy,
Others with fear,
Of the exam they are to clear!
Some are often mute,
While at least some are so cute...
That you would give your life,
To make her your wife!!!

And yet can it be "Lucky Me"?
Lucky are we to live a life,
To have some feelings & some rights!
For its not always pleasure to move around,
To see the world shake,
And its people being tossed around!
People begging for mercy,
Begging for their life,
For some more brothers...
While all the way they strife,
To live a life of others!
To enjoy the day, the now,
While we think of the past & future...
Only we know how?

And to say the least when I grew lonely,
Thinking of this broken wing,
I slept hard,
Dreaming of the Prince, Princess & the ring!

Hating you!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 20:15


"You are great"!
Are you trying to ridicule me?
"What is bad in you?"
Just start counting!
"I'm not that good",
I can't believe that dear!
"I'm bad",
For me you never can be!
Its so simple!
Can't you understand me?

I'm not here to hate you,
So I don't count your mistakes,
I never keep track,
Of the times you've hurt me!
I don't want to point,
To every small mistake,
And see you sad!
Yes, you are correct,
Yes, you can convince me,
But you don't have to,
You just have to spell out,
What ever it may be!
Yes, you can get what you want,
I want that too,
To give you all before you can ask,
Only to see you smiling!
I love you sweetheart,
So I see your love for me,
For love can defeat all,
So I believe in it,
The one thing that I see,
The one thing I crave from you,
For all others will follow!

You have acted bad,
I know when,
Just 'cause I don't say,
Doesn't mean I don't know!
But what is its use?
To think of the past?
To feel dejected?
Something I need to forget!
Something I don't need in my memories!
And that is what I do,
Never look back!

Yes you don't get me every time,
You don't understand,
That should make me think,
You are not the way I wanted,
I've failed to get what I wanted,
"The one" is just not right!
But I don't!
'Cause my heart speaks,
It speaks in favour of you,
And knowing it speaks less,
I give it every thought I can!
If people living with me,
For more than three long years,
Cannot feel me yet,
How can I expect you,
To be correct every time!

Does that hurt you?
Does it hurt, I don't know you?
Does it make you unhappy?
Then let it hurt,
I'll rather hurt you not knowing,
Rather than hurting every time,
When I curse you,
Saying you are mean,
Proving you are bad,
Making you feel guilty!
I can't do that dear,
Whatever you think,
Whatever you believe,
I cant do the impossible,
"Hate you"!

You say,
"I'm bad, I'm mean"!
Doesn't make me feel like a saint!
I've my mistakes I commit,
Things I know are wrong,
Yet I do,
You are too far away,
Even to know that!
I can't explain,
'Cause I don't!
I keep it to me,
Fearing people will get hurt,
Still trying to change,
Every moment, everyday!
At least you say,
What ever it is you have!
Just feel me,
See my plight,
I can't even say,
Not even to you,
Never can...
I'm that way,
Hate me or love me,
I'll change,
But over time,
I don't know the deadline!

Worthless me!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 15:20


This is the time I hate,
Breaking Dawn!
Not that I hate the light,
Or moan over fresh starts!
But I live in the fear,
The night would be back,
Again sometime later!

It was a disastrous night!
Never thought it to be so!
But it better come today,
Rather than the next May!
Glad she told,
Good I heard,
Great I understood!

Even though it was,
Like a bolt from the blue!
And that was like a shock!
I neither knew this,
Nor could have known
If it was not for today!
And just I had secrets,
So did she,
Just realizing that,
A bit too late!

But the worst part,
Is yet to come forth!
Just felt a lot worthless,
A good for nothing fellow!
Not that it was her fault,
She said what was right,
I really did have a mess,
My head not thinking straight!
She still remembers him,
And I can't help that!
She still misses him,
And yet I'm here far away,
Doing nothing,
Studying and writing!
She feels guilty,
And yet I can't,
Can't make it better!
She cries,
And I can just hear it!
Asking me one question,
Can I ever do something?
I'm living this life,
And that is all I did!
I don't blame her,
Its all about me,
I'm to fix it,
If ever I really can!
I'll try,
And that is the best I can!
No blames,
No curses,
Just simple me!

One thing was crystal clear,
Her feelings,
How she felt when I talk,
Talking things she said!
And realization is something,
A great teacher,
But the lesson was not too good!
Knowing I hurt her,
Made her cry at times,
And things I feel now!
But it just hurts,
She didn't tell me before,
It was all of a sudden,
Something I wasn't prepared,
But what could I do?
I'll still be there, where I am!

And all this was so heavy,
I could hardly bear it!
I tried to shake off,
But it won't go,
I tried to wash it,
But it was stuck.
So I smoked my way out!
Hoping to endure the curse,
Of many a people,
But its all I could do,
Never right I was,
Nor was I in this!

And now when I resume,
I can't match my words!
Things seem so simple,
Like I was just like this,
Made for complications!
So I just stop,
Stop thinking this way!
'Cause all I know is love,
Unlimited love for her,
Love I never knew existed!
I'm there,
Always there,
Standing with her,
Whether to live with her,
Or even, "Let Go",
That is all I know,
And that is all I can do!
Simply, keep loving you!

Being terribly calm...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 20:47


My stupid mind,
My non-existent heart,
And hence my silent lips!

This is killing me!
I can't speak,
I can't think,
I can't feel,
I just can't!

I even don't know,
If I even want to write,
And what rubbish I write!

I was actually calm,
Really calm,
I thought all was right,
I was fine!
I still am,
Never seemed better,
At least felt like this,
Like a boy lost,
Lost in his emptiness,
And yet its his life,
Nothing less than great!

'Cause I had a believe,
Days would go away,
Just with the snap,
Of my small fingers!
And yet,
There are many more to go!
And I've lost my sanity,
Thanks to my nature,
My terribly calm nature!

I don't know,
If this all makes sense,
I never wanted to write this,
I wanted a friend,
Someone who can listen,
Listen to all this!
But I dare not bore them!
They'll be terrible at this,
I mean listening this!

I'm stuck!
Stuck like,
Not a "chewing gum",
Definitely not!
There I go again,
And welcome to my calmness,
Where I'm really calm,
And alone,
And lonely,
And yet living,
And I've no idea how,
And I don't know why,
And I've gone mad!

And so,
I better be silent!

But never mind,
I'm doing great,
I'm doing fine,
And please don't bother,
To come up and ask,
Why am I so gone?
I won't answer that!
I'm really calm,
But in my own way!

Stairway to ...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 18:15



Like I never had,
Waiting just to hear you,
That one word of love from you,
The one which means the world to me!

Thinking of you,
All that I have of you,
And all that I will ever have,
All that I will be able to give you!

Like a small child,
Without a spot of bother,
What others might think of me,
'Cause its just you who matters to me!

Trying to do so,
Remain happy always,
That is what I keep on saying,
Doubting if I ever will succeed doing!

Realizing its worse,
Worse for you to be away,
Without a single word from me,
Just like its a nightmare even for me!

Watching my mobile,
Its bright light fading away,
Just like every moment disappears,
Every silent moment of my lonesome days!


Just keep smiling,
Rejoicing where you are,
I'm waiting, still there only for you,
Waiting for you to come up and speak!

Too far, too close

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 13:58


I'm alone,
Writing in my loneliness,
Writing in this dark,
Where no one sees,
No one knows,
Save me!

I miss you, I know!
Too far away from me!
Smiling too sweetly,
But I can't see your smile,
Walking in the rain,
But I can't feel your cold feet,
Looking at this strange world,
But I can't see your wondering eyes,
Your heart racing on,
But I can't hear it beat,
So far away from me,
Many a miles apart!

And yet you are too close,
Closer than you can dream,
Where I can feel you,
Where I can hear you,
Where I can see you,
Every passing moment,
Here, just by my side!
Sneaking in the shadows,
Walking the streets of my heart!
Seems like "you are here",
"Oh no, might be there",
Always making me smile!

Everytime I stare at a girl,
And judge she is cute,
I have a weird feeling,
Like I'm guilty,
Of crime I never knew!
I smile at myself,
"Why did I feel so?"
I turn the other way,
Like I was lost,
And rightly so,
Better lost than being caught!
I smile again and walk away!

My hands moving fast,
My pen even faster,
Notes, notes, notes...
Its high time,
I better study else leave!
Suddenly I pause,
"What am I writing?
A subject I know, fine,
But what else?"
That is something I never did,
Not in my past atleast,
But future will see a lot of it!
I smile yet again,
"Why am I thinking even in class?
At least study here!"
I scold myself!
But this mind never knows,
That my heart is just this,
A bit too small for love!
I continue writing,
"At least I'm writing,
Better than nothing at all!"

Yet not all times the same!
Like the changing seasons,
My heart stays cold,
On days of the frosty cold winds,
But under the burning sun,
My heart melts away!
I can't take it anymore,
Enough of it have I had,
I just want you,
My heart seems too small,
To hold my feelings,
It'll erupt leaving me dead!
I don't care about the world,
I don't care anyone save you,
I just want to see you!
I want to run away,
No matter how foolish I may seem,
Want to run like a child,
And jump into your arms,
And hold you tight!
Like I'm obsessed,
Obsessed with your voice,
Like I'm mad,
Madly in love with you,
Like I'm crazy,
Crazy about you!
I'll hold you like never before,
Where I can feel your touch,
When I can touch you,
Where I can feel your love,
When I can love you,
Where I can always smile,
When I can make you smile!

And then your own presence,
Like you are omnipresent,
Your aura all around me!
And like the rains,
Washing away my tears,
With your own!
I can feel your love,
Warming my heart,
Making me smile once more,
Making me write,
And always smiling,
Trying to calm me,
Trying to say,
"I'm there, dear,
I'm there only for you,
Why do you fear?"

And yes,
I think with a bigger smile,
"She is, obviously,
She is at least in my life!
What would I've done,
If, if she was not,
Now at least she is with me,
What if not with me now?
What if I can't see her everyday?
I can at least feel her with me!
What if I cant kiss her today?
I can do that any ways!
What if I cant hold her right now?
I'll hold her for the life!
What if I cant see her smile?
I can at least be a reason for it!
What if I she is not with me now?
We have still a lifetime!
I can call her my own,
I can say she is mine,
And she ever will be,
I can shout at the top of my voice,
"I love you",
And she'll not even mind,
Just give a cute smile,
And reply....."....

Aimless poetry for you

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 19:54


Its for you, only you,
You are all over me weighing over a ton,
The source of every small thought,
The tip of every feeling's horizon.

I know its a fresh wound,
And I'm definitely not icing it!
Writing like some psychic power drives me,
Drives me towards thee!

I will get around this,
I hope as I know,
Its just that the thoughts are so strong,
I just wonder which seeds you did sow!

I'm not trying to reason out,
'Cause my mind has stopped doing so,
Something I shouldn't cherish,
But I thank my mind for this no show!

Its quiet dramatic what I feel,
Strange enough for me to feel,
I see your face pop up everywhere,
Seeming to break my heart of steel!

I never found myself so helpless,
Wanting for support,
A day has nearly passed,
Making me realize this is no sport!

Seems actually a lot strange,
I'm not falling short of word,
'Cause expressing hasn't been my past,
And in this I always act like a nerd!

I know what I write,
But don't know if it makes sense!
Ya, that is right, the sense after all,
That seems like some ancient past tense!

Its fine, I've began this,
But I definitely know not its end,
'Cause I write so aimlessly,
Following none of my known trends!

And so, when I seem to finish this,
I see you still smiling at me,
As if calling on to continue,
Continue just for the sake of thee!

A recursion to infinity

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 01:54


I miss those days.
When I was a kid.
When all of this mattered,
Mattered even more!

The days coming to an end,
When I start to miss the days gone,
Living in the believe these would come again!
But I don't now,
Its the feeling,
The feeling of enjoying,
Every passing moment,
Every small detail,
The looks of the muddy idol,
The sense of its style,
The attitude hidden within it,
The feeling of oneness,
That is what I've lost now!

I'm sitting alone,
Along with my ever friend,
My intelligent partner,
And I think I'm happy!
My happiness is so limited,
So unreal,
So materialistic,
So pathetic,
That I'm ashamed,
Ashamed of being me!
Knowing its wrong,
But not set this right,
I realize it,
I'm made to realize it,
And yet I love to live,
Live this way,
Like I can't be better,
Still searching,
Searching what I lost,
Doubting if I ever had that.

I'm scared!
I'm scared to death!
I'm scared of thinking,
Thinking too deep,
If I can't ever fathom this space,
If everything remain a mystery,
I fear failure,
I fear losing my believes,
Losing the only thing that I have,
The false impression of living happily!

I see myself in frames,
I walk in frames,
I talk in frames,
I think in frames,
I feel in frames,
Frames and frames!
That is all left in me,
Or rather that is all I know,
'Cause I never tried otherwise!
I can't feel the truth,
I see myself in a glass frame,
Trapped in a recursion to infinity,
I just seem to feel people,
People laughing at me,
People trying to pull into the real world,
I try to break out,
I do that too!
And then I realize,
The futility of my hard work,
It was all an illusion,
I'm still there,
Still a recursion to infinity!
Still trying to break through,
Still living in infinity!
Still searching for my existence!

This seems simple-
I live in this world,
The world is in the earth,
The earth is in the galaxy,
But where is all this in?
I've ever learnt to think no one can be complete,
And that is what I try to do,
Search the ultimate soul,
But where does He come from?
Who holds the string above Him?
And then who is above Him?
And again it starts,
From where it all began,
A recursion still,
But now even infinity is missing!
Where is infinity itself?
Where do I find it?
Why can't I realize?
Why do I live?
Why do I think it this way?
Why do I want to live?
Questions remain unanswered!

I ask

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 01:20


"I feel this every day",
Do I really feel so?
I ask every day,
Or is it just this stupid moment?

"We are not going to last",
A figment of my imagination?
I ask every day,
Or is it the ultimate truth?

"She understands herself",
Does she really?
I ask every day,
Or is she still living in a dream?

"She loves me",
Does she?
I ask every day,
Or is it she doesn't know yet?

"She does understand me",
Does she?
I ask every day,
Or is she as ignorant as others?

"She will always be there",
Will she really?
I ask every day,
Or will she just pass on someday?

"I feel so confused",
Is it just 'cause of me?
I ask every day,
Or is she playing a part too?

"She is the one, after her",
Is she?
I ask every day,
Or will her place always remain vacant?

"She doesn't understand me",
Does she need time?
I ask every day,
Or can she never come up to it?

"I love her, the way I feel",
Do I really?
I ask every day,
Or is it not exactly that?

"I'm not trying to lie",
Am I not?
I ask every day,
Or am I trying to pretend?

"I'm losing her",
Is it a fact?
I ask every day,
Or am I just not in my minds?

"I'm right in writing this",
Am I?
I ask every day,
Or is it worst thing I've done so far?

"She'll be shattered when she reads this",
Will she?
I ask every day,
Or will she connect to it some how?

"I don't know, I don't have a clue",
Is it true?
I ask every day,
Or is it I don't want to hear the why?

"Does she feel the same way?"
That is one question I ask,
I ask every day,
Every time I feel this way!

I miss you!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 19:43


Its difficult to say this,
To say I cry like a child!
You'll not believe your eyes,
To see me suffer so much!
My sleepless eyes all red,
My sad face going blue,
My unspoken words drying out,
And my mad minds got no clue!
And yet I write my love,
I write it only for you!

And the way I've become,
I can blame it on one,
For I know its who,
And so you should too,
But I know too well,
What you feel,
Might be worse than me!
And don't let me guess.....
'Cause I'm not the best to do!
For I've friends to share my sorrow,
But you lack a lot of that too!

I watch a movie,
Feeling so good,
And suddenly my belly aches,
But there is no pain!
My head spins around,
But I'm standing straight!
My heart races against time,
But it cant beat that!
And then I know,
This emptiness in me,
I miss you!

I drown myself deep in thoughts,
"The sweet life, with a venomous taste",
"Dreams, too good to be true",
"Emptiness, my biggest foe",
"Love, I cant live without",
"Fear, I cant conquer",
"Duty, which defies death",
And the one which stands out,
"I miss you more than anything else"!

I lay down on my couch,
My head still spinning,
My heart still not wining,
Memories coming back,
Making me smile,
Words I hear making me laugh,
And that cute face of yours,
I cant resist kissing!

And I begin to hate my techs!
Why can it only hold your memories?
Memories as true as life,
While I live by my fading thoughts,
Thoughts I can never rely!
And I remember you say,
"If only we could hold thoughts,
How good it would have been"!
And I begin to believe you,
You are always right,
No matter what you think in!

And so I should live in hope,
And so I live my life hoping,
Hopes of a better future,
Hopes of a future with you,
Hopes that you'll stay,
Hopes that I'll be there too,
Hopes your words have built!
Hopes which will turn to reality!

But before I say anymore,
Let me remind you,
I'm a feverish soul!
Never mind my words,
And as my vision fades out,
In the ocean of the colorless,
Let me tell you one last time,
"I'm there, whenever you want"!
And, "I miss you, my Love"!

I Never Thought...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 01:12


"But I'm alone", I thought,
"I'm destined to be so"!
And I accepted it and went on!
On and on... In this teeming world,
Loving the loneliness within me,
Entertaining none but the lonesome me,
Counting every passing minute alone!
And for me that was it,
My heavenly truth of life!
My adventurous way of living!
My not so lucky fate!

I never thought I would love again,
I never thought of being loved again!

Not that this was what I believed,
Not that I was eternally convinced!
Never failing to curse my half life,
I did drag my body along,
Searching for its soul,
I had lost long ago,
So here was I,
Praying and wishing for it,
As my corpse lay on the way,
Decaying and melting away!

But none could I find,
None so unsophisticated,
None who could match her,
Her love, her understanding!
And I felt it was time.....
Time to end this ignorance,
And stop having a childish mind;
Time to interpret the signs,
Rather than keeping them aside;
Time to teach myself,
"Accept and give,
But don't expect while you live"!
So, I rooted my trust in me!

I never thought of a brighter life ahead,
I never thought I was so near being dead!

And yet again I did lose it,
I saw that trust betrayed!
And the jinx did break,
As you walked into my life,
One who could brag in much earlier,
One who could never come at all,
One who was just a chance,
One who was really a no one!
But you were with a difference,
Like an angel to show me,
The way my life is to go,
Making me realize myself!

Suddenly I felt so lucky!
My silent prayers seemed answered,
My secret hopes fulfilled!
As I started dreaming again,
But with my eyes wide open!
I was like an atheist,
Finding proof of God!
Like I got a second life,
A life after death,
I never believed in!
Yet you made me believe,
The unbelievable truth!
"There is love still"!

I never thought you would make me relive,
I never thought you would make me believe!

And still when I wonder,
Wonder why you chose me?
I have a real vague idea,
'Cause I see no good in me!
I'm not an Antony,
All my thoughts are always muddled!
I'm not an Einstein,
Even though I'm not that dull!
I'm not a Brutus,
I've my share of mistakes!
I'm not an Edward,
I'll wither away and die!

But rightly did I call you,
Just before time ran out,
Before the distance so grew,
That it couldn't be traveled!
Then amidst my mental chaos,
My heart winked at me,
And I knew it was right!
And while I do curse myself,
For I made you cry,
Even if I didn't want you in pain,
Yet I do have the courage now,
To see you smile again!

I never thought you could love me,
I never thought you could be my destiny!

Once again I saw love,
Love that mattered most,
Love for the way I am!
It was a shock for me,
Someone who has not known,
Not faced love for an infinity!
But has lived only in the shadow,
Shadow of his past,
A past, sweet and poisonous!
But you pulled me out,
Brought back my senses!
A task to which most had failed,
You seemed to do in a single day!

You had a lot to say,
You said a lot too!
Its just that you don't know,
What you did do!
Small things you did,
Smaller things you said,
And that changed me!
Your love made me,
Strive for excellence!
Your love made me perfect!
As if I wanted nothing else,
Your love made me complete!

I never thought I didn't let her go away!
I never thought you would make me move away!

Now this is my life,
As envious as it can get,
The best I could ever have,
The best I could dream of!
And now its you.....only you.....
My thoughts governed by you,
My heart beats for you!
My words speak of you!
My lips smile for you!
My eyes wander in your search!
My hands craving for your touch!

And while I do have nightmares,
Where I dream of losing you,
'Cause I'm always the unlucky one,
Yet I have faith in you,
I know you will be there!
And I'm living by the hope,
That someday you'll be mine forever,
Someday I'll witness the forgotten,
See my body unite with its soul!
And till then I live with the memories,
Memories of my joyous past,
Days I cherish,
Days I wanna relive....

I never thought of a day without you,
I never thought of anyone but you!


Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 15:15


Sleep, its away a million mile!
Be calm, that is what I try!
With thoughts I can't stop,
Which come back to make me smile!
Thoughts, which sometimes make me cry!

We can make a hell out of Heaven!
And that is what I'm doing now,
Its difficult to explain,
Months passed - not even seven!
And I miss her every second now!

Getting suspicious of every wisp of air,
Which might give her an unpleasant taste!
For I can't stand her pain!
Even though it might look its not fair,
Like she'll say, "Its a time you waste"!

But, enough were the reasons I had given her to hate,
Enough were the miseries that I had lend,
Miseries which flowed as pain and tears!
Pain, that she took as her fate,
And tears, which never seemed to end!

And I always repent those days,
Those days which could develop a crack,
A crack I never wanted to own!
'Cause I never liked those ways,
Days I wish I could take back!

But I've buried that past,
In the grave by love and trust,
Dug with the hands of time,
Which is getting covered steady and fast,
With the never ending smile's rust!

And now that I've fell in love with her,
Let me tell you why?
Let me explain you all,
Why I couldn't run away from her?
Even though once I did try!

She tells me things no one had said ever,
The things alien even to me!
She is like my inner self!
And that is why I love her,
That is why I turned the "I" into "we"!

She understands me like no one before,
She knows exactly what I feel,
Knows me better than myself,
And for all my emotions she has a cure,
And there is not even a single she can't heal!

She is a preserver of my history,
Like a part of my archeological crew,
She brings myself to me!
Where the best of me remains no mystery,
While I stare at the old me and the new!

She loves me so much that I don't keep track,
Of the time it has been there or born!
And I can't deny her love!
'Cause it takes a lot to bring back,
The one who was nearly lost and gone!

Now I love her more than everyone,
Love her the way she is,
And so strong is that love,
That I can't let her go with anyone,
For I know what I'll miss!

And if she lets go of this any day,
I'll walk "A thousand Miles",
Trying to win her back,
But if she is too far away,
I'll let her be where she smiles,
For its all that I wish,
While I'll still be waiting here,
Living in the feeling that we were once in love,
Even though she'll hate me for saying this,
This is just what I am my dear!

I for we

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 15:02


And then.....

You might wonder,
I'm fine,
Think again...
This is not the end...

Its my life...
A group of five...
Not that I know...
What I say...

But today...
I speak of truth,
Truth unknown,
I thought I knew one,
But now I see many,
Who can know me...
One who are true to me...
To say who I am!

To say the truth...
And never think of its fruit!
To spit on the face...
And never leave a trace,
Of the hatred!

Since I want to know me,
To correct every details,
To right all my privacy,
And love to be an open book,
To be my friend's cook,
To feed all...
To stand for my friends...all...

No matter what they say...
No matter what it costs...
I have my life...
I have to strife...
For one, once and for all...

U think that is it?
Think again...
I'll be back...

This is a continuation of the previous poem, if you can call it so, because I wrote it after I had a bit more of the bloody alcohol!

P.S. - Its the sequel to "We all".

We all

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 21:38


Its confusing,
What I write,
What I say,
Its tough explaining,
Friends to fight for,
To die...

Its confusing,
I can't explain!
Emotions I know,
Seem empty,
Its something new,
And as I'm drunk,
The words are few!

I now pen for my friends,
Resetting all trends,
Telling the truth,
Finding friends I hate,
Friends, I love,
And hate I had not met,
To make my day,
And everyday,
To a heaven of hell,
A hell of life,
And a heaven of ash tray!

I hate them for togetherness,
Why I'm not like them?
Why can't I love,
And feel the oneness?
To fell their heart beat,
And their love...
To go on for them to the street/1

And never think I'm finished,
As I'm not,
I'll come back to haunt,
To taunt,
Everyone I love,
My friends above all,
And then.....

P.S. - I wrote this when I was in second year, while I was drunk!

Retracing steps

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 02:01


"My life has moved on,
But I'm still there hanging,
On to my beautiful past!"
She whispers everyday,
Silently, and in loneliness,
Scared of being over heard!
She is tired of rules,
Which restrict her life,
She wants to be free again,
Live a life of fame!

She cant be like this!
Her thoughts can't wonder,
Searching for a better now,
While the future teases her,
Challenges her to move in!
Like a beast in waiting,
Wanting the prey come a bit close,
And then tear it to pieces,
Spill out its blood,
And chew the hacked
Leaving on some bits,
For the scavengers to feed!

Her gifted mind seems worthless,
Her ambition bears no fruit!
There is nothing which can test her,
Its like a stagnant pool,
The water is clear,
But is calm, undisturbed,
'Like it has got no use!

Her heart is the one in flames,
Ignited by love,
Now fueled by betrayal!
But her heart wants to love still,
Her heart wants to be loved,
But trust is what she can't find!
She is scared of it,
Trust and be betrayed!
She is tired of trusting,
Once which seemed her hobby!
She was warned,
Warned of heartbreak!
But she saw the future,
The bright side of life,
Leaving behind the dirt,
Emerging from the shadow of the past!
But she forgot,
History repeats itself!
And so it did...

Now she seeks refuge,
In the still dark past,
'Cause she is aware of it,
Past plays no pranks,
It shows as it is!
Live or leave it,
That is up to you!
She lives, never leaves!
Can't face the dazzling future,
She once was crazy about!
She slowly retraces her steps,
Trying to start again,
From where things went right,
Now seemingly wrong!

Severing all ties with the present,
To see the future anew!
A future she'll nurture,
Thinking of her past,
Glowing and dark!

And here I am,
Watching her journey,
As she steps back and forth!
I want to mark the path,
Guide her through her life,
Show her a better way,
As I always wanted to,
Walk by her side,
Never let her out of my sight!
But she has to ask,
Show the trust I saw then,
And as my hands are served,
I can't hold her hands,
But will show her the way,
Guide her through,
Whispering along the way,
I'm there...
I was always...
I always will...

Let go...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 19:04


"I love you!
I always will!"
I still repeat,
But only in whispers,
In my silent, dark loneliness,
Where I stand alone,
Still loving her,
Even though now deserted!
'Cause I love her,
I want to see her smile,
Whether in my arms,
Or where her heart shall lie!

I gaze back,
Plunge deep into my past,
When I saw her smile,
Smiling for me!
When I felt her heart,
Beating for me!
When I looked into her eyes,
Searching for me!
When I heard her speak,
Spelling my name!
When I felt her lips,
Kissing me again and again!
When I loved her,
And she loved me, forever!

Its history now,
That will never repeat!
My heart knows it well,
'Cause I was the one to plan it!
I gave up all for her,
Though she never asked!
I don't regret it,
I will never do!
It was my choice,
To be with her,
And see her live,
Or, to let her go,
And see her love!
"Its better to see her smile,
Shimmering at a distance,
Then not to see at all",
I thought!
And so I etched a plan,
To get them together again!
While I was happy to be the best man!

'Cause I could feel her love,
A love made for him,
A love which still loved him!
Even though she never said,
'Cause she never did realize,
But my heart had read,
The love for him inside!
And that is why,
I turned her love,
To the way it should be,
Towards her true love,
Which was definitely not me!

She loved him,
From time immemorial,
Before love she could know!
But don't know why things went wrong,
She was alone in the raining snow!
Where I saw her crying,
Lonely and dejected!
I was a ray of hope,
Mistaken as love,
Committed by us, both!
And while I loved her,
Loved her with all I had,
She never really could,
'Cause she had no heart,
Her heart was still with him,
Someone she couldn't part!

So here I am again,
Walking these empty streets,
Walking alone!
Feeling the grasses she tread upon,
Smelling the trees she leaned on,
Watching the book she wrote on,
Listening to her favourite song!
Doing all this and more,
Yes, with a heavy heart!
But with this much relief,
That she is smiling somewhere,
Smiling with her heart,
And I do have a hand in it,
Even though just a little part!

Three Passions of Bertrand Russell

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 02:44


Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

I found this poem awesome, so I posted this here.

I fell in love - 5 (The aftermath)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 20:01


The blunder was done,
The shot was fired,
The hit was confirmed,
The shooter was tired!

To her I seemed a grotesque creature,
A creature which is heartless,
Or if it does have a leaden heart,
Its nearly impossible to access!

But I did have a heart,
A heart which broke days ago!
When I left behind some luxuries,
Love, that is what I did forgo!

Mere infatuation, is what I thought,
That could never compare to love's height!
Yet, I had a void inside me,
That even I couldn't hope to fight!

I cursed myself for being the devil,
What right had I to break her heart?
Why at all did I play such a game?
Why did I meet and then moved apart?

Was it not best I had said no before?
Why to make someone dream?
Why did I have little love?
Why did I have to ream?

One after the other like some ghost,
They were coming back to me,
Haunting me day and night,
Like I had choose this destiny!

Once which seemed to be noble,
Now looked like a deadly mistake!
Once which seemed to be the truth,
Now appeared a complete fake!

Truth or destiny didn't matter to her,
All she knew was love till infinity!
As she stood there, ready to give it all,
I seemed to be bound by destiny!

Tears had become her best friends,
She wanted me so much,
Wanted me in her life,
Yet I was the only one out of touch!

She dreamt of the two days' love,
Reading my messages again,
No matter how hard she tried not to,
She could smell love even in that pain!

She tried to convince her heart,
"Everything is for the best of me"!
And I could only bring in some trouble,
For we were never meant to be!

But she didn't care,
Problems are to come and go,
And even if I bring in disaster,
Let it be so!

"Why would he love me?
What is there in me?
I fell in love with a reason!
For him what can it be?"

The world looked so unreal!
Crying every waking hour,
She now believed in sorrow,
Happiness seemed a bit too far!

She reasoned, "If I can love him,
It shouldn't be, if he loves me,
I'll just keep loving him,
And leave the rest to destiny!"

But every minute she was aware,
How much she wanted me,
And be 'the one' of my life,
She wanted to be my destiny!

She tried to find,
If I was even thinking about her,
But no hints did I leave for her,
Only my deadly silence did she incur!

And as days passed by,
I felt it more and more,
A deep void within me,
From my heart's rim to its core!

My life had become a question,
And questions were all I could see,
Blinding anything else,
Was its answer, it was 'she'!

But I couldn't simply go back,
And hurt her again,
I hoped she had moved on,
She was done with the pain!

So I killed my desires,
Slaughtered every bit of it,
And was living on,
Trying to make this a habit!

Believing I had lost her forever,
Someone who could be my life!
Now its just like some dream,
As I march again to the tune of the fife!

Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feedbacks. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

You miss...

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 17:30


You miss a lot!
You miss things I have,
You miss the things many have!

You miss a reason to be alive,
Even in the worst of the situations!
When you know you are losing,
When you lose hope of revival,
You still have the courage to go on,
'Cause someone always inspires you,
Someone is always watching your back!

You miss the feeling of being special!
You miss the feeling of being wanted,
A feeling of being "most precious",
'Cause there is no one who craves for you!
You miss someone who'll want you for their life,
Someone whom you can care all life,
Someone who “IS” your life!

You count no one other than you,
'Cause you have always thought of "me",
Things only about and around you!
'Cause you miss the feeling of "we'!
You miss being a part of someone,
You miss making someone a part of you,
And so your plans of life is only about you!

You miss the feeling of being responsible!
Though you might have been trusted in your life,
Might have been a trusted leader of all times!
But you miss being trusted with the biggest treasure,
You miss the trust which is the toughest to earn,
You miss being trusted with someone's heart!
And I'm sure you miss that pride!

You might have many faces in this hypocrite world,
But you do have a true self you might not know!
But who is there to know you?
You miss someone who can confide to all your secrets,
Someone who can know all about you,
Someone who can tell every face of yours apart,
And then give you the right face to live!

At times of hardships and tensions,
When you just need some rest,
When you just need to stay away,
You miss a place of solace,
You miss a place you can find peace,
You miss a place where you can smile,
Never thinking of what is the present or past!

Life presents an empty mind,
A mind which wants to wander like a gypsy,
A mind which has nothing else to do!
You miss filling that emptiness with someone,
You miss ageing your self in a smile,
You miss a big reason to dream,
A dream you'll always wish were true!

I missed them,
Not knowing I ever did!
Such is its misery!
You just miss them not having a clue!
You miss that someone special,
Who could lighten your life,
Fill your life with colour!
Who could make what you really are,
Getting the best of you!
Who could just make you fall in love,
That is what you miss when you are not in love,
And you are still missing that,
Its you, you, and you!

I fell in love - 4 (The blunder)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 09:43


Love grew a day older,
And things were never the same again!
"Beauty is not for ever",
So, I'm always ready for exiguous pain!

Those smiles, that feeling,
"I love her", I said to myself,
'Cause the thought of being loved,
Was often a bit more than love itself!

I knew I loved her,
At least that is what I thought,
'Cause I was confused yet!
Might be I was thinking a lot!

Did I say yes 'cause she asked that?
Or did I just take her for granted?
Did I say yes 'cause there was no one else?
Or a girl friend, that was what I wanted?

'Cause this was love!
And I believe in an ethical head!
And before I hurt her feelings,
I would rather be dead!

I'm nearly a no one!
I might be a munificent boy,
But she could find so many with elans,
Find so much more love, care and joy!

Again I thought!
Does she really love me?
It was not even a month!
And she fell in love so easily?

I should feel so much more!
I'm not like 'it' should be!
I definitely lack the verve!
Love still eludes me!

I had a long broody silence,
Which never seemed to end,
Even with her mellifluous voice,
My anxiousness couldn't be mend!

And when I couldn't take my irksomeness,
I decided to speak up!
And I said "No" to her love and care,
Just like a bloody heartless pup!

She was shattered!
Not that I had expected any less!
I could hear her drawling voice,
As she saw herself falling in a mess!

She tried to convince, I was mistaken!
'Cause it was too bad too be true!
I could feel her inner self choked,
With this sudden bolt from the blue!

She felt numb!
She couldn't hear even a bit,
Other than my "I can't give in",
None of my other words had a hit!

Her brain was shutting down every second!
She just heard me say!
She was unemotional!
For her it was happening anyway!

Then all of a sudden it struck!
"Its over", "that is it"!
This was how it had to end,
Her relation with some 'git'!

Her eyes turned red,
She had become inexorable!
And if I would have been there,
She would have hit me with a table!

She was revengeful,
Her wrath knew no bound,
She was hating me,
Her love that she had found!

But as time ticked, she did contrite,
Now blaming not me,
But herself, to be so vile,
"This was never meant to be!"

Thought she had forced me in,
Love, she made me do that!
When we could ever stay that way,
With our long and cute chat!

There I was, trying to be truthful,
Wanting to be ethical,
As I too realised what I just did!
How could I be so brutal?

All I had to do was done!
All I had to say was said,
Yet something was killing me,
Trying to want me dead!

Well, 'it was over'!
No second thought could change that!
'Cause even if I wanted to,
How the hell would I do that?

Twists and turns, is my life's story,
So, my heart yet again went for a toss!
And I did lose her after all,
As I sat thinking of her loss!

Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feedbacks. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 3 (The proposal)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 16:33


It felt like nothing could go wrong,
We were making a run for the eternity,
Yet situations have to be changing,
Love lurked in time's vicinity!

It was on the sixth, I suppose,
That I mentioned 'her' name,
Failing to see something unnatural,
That she had fallen for me and my fame!

I seemed to be thinking about 'her',
Trying to make out how 'she' felt,
Speaking of my fears and dilemma,
And given this, how she would have dealt!

I actually wanted to confide to her,
'Cause I felt like it,
'Cause she was a girl too,
And could have helped me a bit!

She did speak a lot,
She gave me a helping hand,
But she was hinting herself out,
Only I was too dumb to understand!

Yet secrets pop out now and then,
And I realised it a bit late,
When she logged out suddenly,
'Cause that was one thing she would hate!

I was still a fool,
'Cause I didn't rethink what she said,
If and only if I had a little brain,
If, if only once had I read!

But don't think me as an idiot!
I realised I did hurt her,
So, I did get myself drunk,
But just one peg, not any further!

And I made her realise,
She was among the best,
A friend who is meant to be precious,
Among those on my friendship's crest!

The next day, seventh march, followed,
The sun blazing down,
And I feeling dizzy in the afternoon,
While still in my sleeping gown!

"I didn't sleep well",
I was of course to be accused,
And even though I saw the obvious,
Yet to accept, again I refused!

Trying to make her feel better,
I confessed I was wrong!
And she gave her elaborate views,
Which meant it made her a bit strong!

I scribbled my thoughts on love,
What I would want!
Some which I believe in,
And some other which I flaunt!

I realised something is not well,
As she said it too,
"I'm not myself today",
And I realised that anew!

I finally spelt the 'L' word,
"Are you in love?", I asked.
She never denied, and not happy about it,
'Cause her sadness was always unmasked!

I for once jumped with joy,
Nearly convinced, its me!
"Some want to take friendship to the next level"!
My senses felt dead like a tree!

I was trying to prove myself!
Trying to feel if its true,
Make her say a little more,
And at least get some clue!

So I kept on inspiring her,
Pleading, she won't be refused,
'Cause I lived in fear of losing her,
Also 'cause I was confused!

She had her share of fears,
Fears that I would eventually go back,
Scared that I could never be hers'!
That I've already marked my track!

This is what she believed,
"I can't risk rocking the boat"!
And even when she was about to say,
The 'love' word stuck down her throat!

In fact we both were the same,
Same fears of the losing tear,
Though I was a bit too silent,
That she wasn't even able to hear!

And she was right,
I was definitely a git!
"Its a guy's job to propose"!
'Propose'? That I was never gonna hit!

Finally much like the "Johny Bravo",
She showed extraordinary courage,
It was I who rocked her world!
I who gave her this killing entourage!

I let out, "WOW"!
"I was after all right then",
I had fallen for her too,
I just didn't know from when?

I said the words she wanted to,
That she had waited for three weeks,
"I love you", I was still in smiles!
Was still shouting like freaks!

I loved her, I really did!
Someone growing so special to me!
I finally fell in love again!
And even to this degree!

She was mine!
The girl, rare, crazy and cute,
And she loved me too,
Finally settled without dispute!

Special thanks to 'Lily' for her wonderful and useful feed backs. It would have been difficult writing this without her.

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 2 (Being friends)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 22:19


A day passed,
And I did send her my creation!
Then waiting for her,
Waiting for her reaction!

She finally resurfaced,
And I thought it would be the last!
It was always meant to be!
For today I had to deal with my past!

A past I still couldn't lose,
A past chasing me still,
A past I could never beat,
With or without skill!

A past which shocked her,
Which could never be left alone,
A past she couldn't believe,
And definitely from an unknown!

But I was being trusted,
My fears were proved wrong!
'Cause of what followed!
'Cause of what I didn't see for long!

A girl wrote for me,
And cried for a reason too!
I was overwhelmed,
'Cause she was among the rare few!

A few many who knew my past,
Still few who would understand,
Fewer who could support me,
But none who could hold my hand!

And so it went on,
Facing each other everyday,
With many things to discover,
And much more to say!

Talking about friends and relations,
Supporting the other in times of stress!
I believed my thought were good,
But seriously her views were no less!

We smiled through the day,
Laughed away our nights,
Speaking things only we knew,
With a little love and some petty fights!

She was intelligent,
She was cute,
She was a really a rare girl,
And that believe held no dispute!

So I tried to hold on,
I pledged to be at her side,
For I had seen many betrayals,
Yes, I already have had a bumpy ride!

With missed calls spilled through the day,
Trying to build a new clan,
Sneaking one's way into the others' life,
That is how our friendship began!

P.S. - Its the sequel to "I fell in love".

I fell in love - 1 (First talk)

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 17:31


Weeks have passed,
Months have too!
The year stares down at us,
Wishing that it be true!

Friends stay surprised,
Strangers cant believe,
Our story seems a bit different!
Among others, and to me!

Life is strange,
Don't know what it may give,
Don't know what future has in store,
So, in hope of a new surprise I live!

Had been in school,
But never seemed to notice,
And even after four years were gone,
We still got a reason to kiss!

What went wrong I can't tell!
How we connected surprised me!
That too even on first day!
And that too so effortlessly!

Yes, she was great,
Like she was never any less!
And I was just myself,
Like always, just a mess!

We did meet and hit it off!
And that too on net,
Meeting on seventeenth of March,
And in doing so, I had no regret!

I took it as a casual hello,
I didn't think it'll be that long!
Just a few moments of bliss,
And then life would just go on...

And I was nearly there, at end,
The lights were beginning to fade away...
Then came my saviour,
Poem? She was interested right away!

That was 'cause she wrote,
And I honour her for that!
But when writing a poem,
Her pen seemed a bit too fat!

Now that was not the end,
She opened up a lot!
"Like I had never before",
That was her thought!

She said a lot,
Her mind looked good!
Just a bit tired,
Not meaning to be rude!

But one thing I knew,
She was a thinking girl,
With elaborate views,
And lots of grey curl!

There was I smiling alone,
And then again back to life,
To the 'my' real world,
Marching to the tune of the fife!


Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 17:22


The poem which I'm going to post next is about my personal life. Its about... well you can see it for yourself! Enjoy...

Unlucky me

Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 03:34


I don't get what I want,
That is common, one can say,
None gets the way he likes,
But to lose is also unlucky!

I can't love my lover,
For I love my love,
But she never knows,
And then always in tears,
For my deeds of truth.

Never thought of this,
Never felt so important,
But no response to importance,
Because I want to be myself,
Not made into someone else.

I am what I am,
Good or bad,
I love to be this way,
To be a bit different;
Hate me or love me for it!

But then every thing is fine!
Where is the unlucky boy?
And here one misses,
This is what hurts!

To be known as someone else,
To be loved, when I'm not worth it,
To be hated, when I'm not due.
Tired of tears,
Exhausted in fears,
Fears of my own,
Regrets of myself,
Thoughts of my future,
Regrets of my past!

And unlucky me?
I've to laugh out sorrow,
Speak out silence,
Crowd my loneliness,
Be honest over hypocrisy,
Live over being dead!

Do nothing, I wish,
A little unlucky,
But only a bit!

You and none

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 18:35


Now I know what I miss,
What were you to me?
Now I do understand,
That I had ever opened up to you,
I lack that now.
Every word runs riot in me,
Every corner a fierce battle,
But no results,
Only some never healing scars,
Which breaths of my relentless struggle!

If only you were with me!
To calm me,
To soothe me,
To only give me a patient ear!
U were a great asset to me,
A building block of myself.

Not that there is no one with me,
But no one 'like' you!
All are too busy, too materialistic,
Quiet lost their soul.
Now only a shell remains,
Shell of falsehood, of love, of care,
Yes, there is love,
There is love in obsession,
And this is what is killing them,
Destroying their true identity,
All turning to hypocrites!

And what surprises me the most,
Is there is absolutely none,
Who could guide them,
Make them understand the true meaning of life,
And how to live it!

Ignorance is so much prevalent,
It looks almost impossible.
Yes there are some serious,
But they remain within themselves,
And there is the best who are trapped!

And though I have kept myself intact,
It might just be enough for me!
For I'm just accumulating myself,
And when my capacity ends,
I would burst then I don't know.
And this is where I had faith in you,
And now you are....gone...
So None.....

Near end

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 12:38


I'm already on the move,
Near to the first halt
Of my brain's travel,
To taste the real salt!

Pressure is being built,
While days are running on,
And there is neither time for leisure,
Nor to think when I was born!

The jumps are over,
No hours wasted for these things,
And while we have a burden to carry on,
We seemed to be cut off of our wings!

Its the high tide,
After more than ten years of low!
So now that so far we've come,
There is no use to get slow!

With even thoughts of slowing down,
We could be washed away,
Lamenting later would do no good,
So while the sun shines, make the hay!

But in this metro life,
Let not the lively humour,
Dry out in the fatal heat
Of the countless nervous rumour!

End your time with your travellers,
With the last jump,
Not to regret for emptiness,
But keep with you these memories' lump!

For these would make us remember,
Of our bold courage,
For once lost,
It'll never be back all our age!

It might be the end of groups,
The last of some relations,
So lets get one as much as we can,
And sit on a bench of the station.

Till the moment we are picked,
When the right train arrives,
But till then,
Let our oneness thrive!

Can't understand

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 13:48


I don't know what comet struck?
What asteroid fell?
What changed my climate?

I've fallen into this land...
Some people unknown,
Changed their forms so grey
That I can't understand!

Someone whom I knew so much,
Is just lost from touch,
Lost without trace.

And don't just think...
I was the one into the pit...
We both had promised...
But now that is what stinks!

Ruined towards hell...
That is my feeling!
Why didn't I look around...
There were many to be found...

Many to take my mistake,
And that is what I think,
If I'm needed now...
Even four years later,
Don't be flattered...
But yours would have been any day!

Yet may be I understand!
I was young,
Thinking of today,
Thinking of the moment just begun!

Now I hate her!
And for my life she would ever be a poison,
Not in my life,
But in my heart's corner,
Which once was filled with the honey of love!

Now just let her come,
And I swear...
She'll regret the day,
Let not it be true,
For her sake hope & pray,
For if its it.....
You'll never would love me...
For what I'll do...
Well now just don't misunderstand me!

P.S. - This is based on a girl, whom I considered one of my best friends, friends who are to be for a lifetime! But I don't know what happened to our friendship, her life turned out in such a way, that... That was the end of us!


Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 19:55


Its a lost game we are trying to win!
A game originally lost months back!
Lost in the burden,
Lost in the race,
Lost in the caravans of tension!

Those tickle, those deeds,
Those unkindly laughs,
That unmeasured happiness,
Those naughty pranks,
The unreal dreams,
All - Dark and dead!

And which would never come back to life,
To tickle us once again,
To bring back our smiles,
And the only thing we have...
The diminishing and deadening shadow of the past!
And while we try to relieve us,
To rediscover those days,
We are mindful of the air we breathe!

And this is what kills me,
Every day, each moment!
A sense of being alone,
Reaching the highest peak.
And yet stand aloof!
None by me too-
Distant from everyone,
Every feeling, every person!

I know there is no retrieve,
From what I am now,
No thinking back,
I have come too far off!
And so have others gone,
Gone on their way,
To live a lifeless life!

Like a Rose without its petals!

Like a Sun without its shine!

A day unknown!

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 12:11


Its weird how I feel so!
What do I miss now?
Some knotty feelings,
Some void thoughts!
Don't know what is wrong?
These forlorn feelings killing me!
And on that I have no valid reason!
My mind seems to be blocked,
The fog is too dense to penetrate!
I search for a twig,
Which could give me some hope,
Hope for surviving this torturous hour!

This irritation knows no end!
Nothing seems to calm me!
Everyone is so distanced,
Even on this day!
On a day we vow to trust and care,
I find myself wanting it!
Why can't I find someone by my side!
To talk to,
To share his thoughts,
'Cause thoughts I have none,
My brain is on strike!

My eyes hinting sleep!
My body wanting to go on,
My heart is nonplussed!
Thinks this'll just pass on!

I need her now!
She is gone!
I can't see her,
The fog still exists,
My vision is restricted!
I hope I didn't lose her yet,
No I haven't!
She must be somewhere,
In her world of dreams,
Probably dreaming of.....
Best left to her!

Why is it so bad?
I don't know!
Why did it happen?
I can't guess!
When will it end?
I have no idea!
Why am I even writing this?
Where I have no interest!

Sleep, my best friend!
That is whom I trust the most!
And so I turn to him again,
When all others desert me!
When its only me,
Walking these fiery streets!
Burning my feet,
Making them red!

This is what I called fate,
Someday I have all I want,
The next I find myself alone!
Just me...
Only me...

P.S. - This is a poem I wrote last night, the night full of celebrations of 'Friendship Day'! And yet this weird feeling crept into me, from the loneliness that I was in, because all my friends had went off for drinking and stuff, and I was left alone!

My Greatest Loss

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , , | Posted on 20:37


Thoughts & tears,
The losing fears...
And they've come true!
Really, really, indeed true!
And what I lost?
What it did cost?
None, but I knew,
For there were only a few
To understand me,
To feel what I could I see,
To really see my heart ache,
To know its real, not fake!
But what does tears mean?
On what base do these fear lean?
What is lost is gone.....
What is lost can never come back!
And from hence should I lack...
The sweet words, the soft touch...
(Which, I though strong couldn't clutch)...
The beauty which I admired..
Those walks of which I was never tired...
The laugh which gave a loose to my soul...
Those jokes in which I'd roll...
But where have they gone?
Making my life a barren lawn,
Who's grasses are cut short,
And from hence it is bleeding hot...
Hot in the memories of the loss...
Who's importance no one can ever cross...

Intro to 'My Greatest Loss'

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 19:41


This is one poem which has a real sad and unbelievable history! And since its best that I bury those parts of my life which cause immense pain, so I'll not describe it all, but I'll say this much that its a poem dedicated to the girl I loved with all my heart and whom I lost to fate! No use crying over her loss or thinking about her any more, because who is gone is never going to come back! But somewhere, at some corner of my heart I still feel her sometimes, I still miss her sometimes, and I still love her! So here it is, "My Greatest Loss"!

Bouncing Back

Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 11:24


I've come with a renewed force,
Ready to take on all...
To show my real nature,
Yet be with all in the same course.

And to say the truth to U all,
The change is not as before...
Which would die off very soon,
For it is, but my life's call.

All it says is do or die,
And so to live my life...
I've to give up all,
And say all mischief goodbye.

But still a question threatens me!
Who strengthened me to take on all?
For I was a boy,
With senses like a tree!

But as I remember & pen it down,
It gets my blood steaming off..
It gets my head heated white hot..
Even when in my night gown!

But for that I do not regret,
For I was bitten by a serpent,
A serpent so poisonous,
Which got my troubles an outlet!

Troubles which had me shackled,
From the time my senses ran..
The race of infinity!

P.S. - I had written this poem after I was really hurt by one of my teacher's comments about me! He was like not encouraging to succeed but was wishing that I would fail! I then took a pledge to show others what I had in me! And the rest is just a sweet and brave history...


Posted by Zave | Posted in , , , | Posted on 15:59


If you think about someone day and night,
And cannot resist from doing so,
If you dream about someone when not in sight,
And let not the dream go.

If you fight with someone in your mind,
But do so without a reason.
If you go hunger strikes, too unusual for your kind,
For it is but the winter season.

If you always feel yourself alone,
Even when in a movie hall.
If you tend to stick to the phone,
To grab every, but hear a single call.

If none of the sights seem close to your heart,
Than the someone's cute face.
If no one's except the someone's words give you start,
The answer to which none can trace.

If in every mischief you have a helping hand,
But in front of someone you try to be a dove.
Now you should clearly understand,
You've fell to cupid's arrow, you've fallen in Love.....

Intro to 'Signs'...

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 11:40


Before I post the next poem, I would like to give a brief introduction to its making and a small incident connected to it! In std-X, I felt like I had fallen in love with a girl I had known for long, but I was not entirely sure of it! So I just wrote what I felt, to see if others who fell in love could connect to it! And actually they did!
In fact, I had this poem written on a piece of paper kept in a book, and suddenly it slide down on the floor while I was in the classroom and 'Mohan Sir', our class teacher was taking our 'Geography' class! He lifted the paper, and saw that it was a poem! And after the class was over, he read it, and then called me!
I was scared like hell! What was he going to say? Was he thinking of sending me to the principal? All sorts of such pessimistic thoughts crowded my mind! In fact I could have written a poem then and there! Anyway, I slowly moved up to him, and he asked, "Who is the 'YOU' in the poem?" I smiled and replied boldly , "Sir, the 'YOU' refers to anyone who reads the poem and can connect to it!" He just smiled at me, and gave me back the poem!
And it actually felt good, that he read the poem and luckily didn't throw me out of the class, for either writing the poem or for writing a poem that is so bad! So here it is, 'Signs'!

The Copper Piece

Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 23:14


The Copper Piece moulds up,
Looking very much like a tea cup.
It is polished to gain its shine,
And sculptured with the curves of the Rhine.
It now stands on the wall's shelf,
Thinking about itself!
Its now a show of the show case,
Proud of it delicate beauty and grace!
Its now only a show piece,
Which can be thought about with ease.
But its heart is not gay,
For it has not got a permanent stay!
A stay for which it had been meant,
A stay for which it had been sent!
Like the pens are for the writers,
The bullets are for the fighters,
Like the bricks, which are for the house,
And the cheese, which are for the mouse!
So is the same with the copper piece,
It is made for the one who can seize,
But for this it had not to wait,
And was seized before it was too late!
But it changed after the seize,
It was something more than the Copper Piece,
Now it was not thought about with ease.
But remembered by the memory of the seize,
It did not now stand for its beauty and its skill,
Instead, as a symbol of the seizer's strength and will.
Now it was not a thing of delicate beauty,
It was now a thing of pride and superiority.
It was now, not a Copper Piece known for its size,
But was now a Copper Piece known as 'The Prize'!

P.S. - This was the poem I wrote when I had won one of my first prize, in a Quiz competition. I was so excited on winning it, that my happiness knew no bound! Finally this poem shaped up!

The Cry

Posted by Zave | Posted in , , | Posted on 18:40


Chapter five of 'The Treasure Island',
'The last of the blind man'.
"Jim caught seven riders in sight,
As they neared the 'Admiral Benbow' in the moonlight,
The men galloped towards the Benbow heavily,
And had the bricks of the house searched thoroughly,
But", the light vanished into the night,
As it blackened everything out of my sight!
But I saw things by the eyes of my mind,
As it sped me for a taper to find,
This small light, lit through the dark,
As if it got a rediscovery from the mouth of a shark!
I took it to the table by my bed,
And as my hot breath extinguished it dead.....
The cry of a wild rang through me,
Which seemed to deaden my senses like a tree,
The sound was like a deep moaning,
Being the result of someone's frowning!
It was like the long cry of a dog,
Who was intended deep in the agony fog,
The cry gradually rose high,
And then at its silence, I let out a sigh!
But ere sleep could win over me,
The heart trembling cry again broke free,
This age, the cry was more high pitched,
And to the innermost heart it reached,
I clung to my bed in fearfulness,
As I tried to fight my nervousness,
But it had got the better of me out,
As I still clutched to my bed stout!
I crushed my jaws to overcome my nervousness,
Which gave a relief to my stiffness,
The cry shook me from head to toe,
Greater than, when I would see my foe,
The cry had the utmost effect on me,
Which nobody else except me could see!
The cry suddenly came to a dead end,
After delivering its frightful trend!
The cry by now had met its end,
But in my mind had a deep impression send,
And this cry occurs to me whenever,
A sound of cry is heard ever and ever!

My first poem ever!

Posted by Zave | Posted in | Posted on 17:19


The poem "Me..." was the first ever poem that I wrote. If I remember correct, I was in std-VI, that I had written it. It was around 8 o'clock at night, I was lying down alone in the room, and even though I don't remember the exact reason but I know this much that I was really frustrated of my life, the way it was turning out to be! The future looked so bleak, and I was looking even more worthless, though I was too small to have understood anything big at all! So that was the first time I realised writing was a really great way of getting rid of one's unworthy, useless and negative emotions! And since then, I think I've used it perfectly well!


Posted by Zave | Posted in , | Posted on 13:12


Is this what I am?
Who can speed me,
To hold what others own?
Who can influence me,
To see in myself what I want?
Who can give me,
The strength to change?
It is, it is, it is ME!
Who can speed!
It is, it is, it is ME!
Who can influence!
It is, it is, it is ME!
Who has the strength!
It would not be what I am!
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